'I told the hospital receptionist I was having suicidal thoughts - she saved me' (original) (raw)

It was a Sunday afternoon when Gareth Davies walked into the reception of A&E at Ysbyty Glan Clwyd and told the receptionist he needed help. He doesn't remember exactly what he said to her, but what he did say prompted her to immediately go and get him help. Within a few minutes he was met by a member of the psychiatric liaison team.

If the receptionist hadn't done what she'd done, Gareth believes he would have taken his own life and wouldn't be here today, wouldn't have seen his son's first months or his second born. In his words: "I had suicidal thoughts, I had a plan."

Four years after that day, after which he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, the 36-year-old Conservative Senedd member for the Vale of Clwyd has chosen to speak about his condition and his journey in the hope of helping others.

He had suspected something before his formal diagnosis. "I had my thoughts and, you know, suspicions sort of anecdotally there might be something wrong, but then like a lot of people do, I just sort passed it off and say that's the nature of it - that it does pass but then obviously the more time went on, things snowballed more."

After his initial visit to the hospital, Gareth was admitted to the adult mental health ward, the Ablett Unit at Glan Clwyd Hospital. For a week everything he did monitored, from his sleep to visits to the toilet. A psychiatrist told him he had all the signs of bipolar disorder.

The average wait for diagnosis of the condition in Wales is 11.9 years, the politician says, and while his personal experience was that came quicker, he does think it could have been spotted earlier. "If you actually factor in the build up and the amount of time I wasn't referred to a mental health specialist, you can actually argue perhaps I did suffer in silence."

He says that delay would be down to the health service, but also his own reluctance to admit there was something wrong. "In that regard it did take quite a long time and it got to the point where it almost cost me my life."

It was a Sunday afternoon when Gareth told his wife he needed to go to hospital. "She agreed that it was for the best and so I went there and the worst thing that could have happened that afternoon would have been for them to tell me to go to my GP the following day.

"When I look back on it now, I think if I had been sent away I might not be here anymore. I can't even remember what I said and to be honest, my recollection of it isn't fantastic, but I said something along the lines of me I think I'm in a bit of a crisis and need help.

"I must have waited about five or ten minutes in the waiting room, and then someone came out," he said. After he was discharged, he initially received daily visits which were gradually extended, until the pandemic hit, and had January until April off work.

A politician sat in the Senedd chamber

Gareth Davies MS in the Senedd chamber (Image: Gareth Davies)

Gareth describes the condition as being "highs and lows". "A low episode is known as the depressive phase and I tend to sleep more often, and am kind of more tired, I'm not sociable," he explains. "Then high periods, you can be quite elated. You think 'oh the diagnosis is wrong' but then once things go back to normal, you're totally aware it's still there."

For him, the phases are a period of weeks. "The nature of the illness sometimes is that it's not sort of what you might think to be. Your triggers aren't actually all the things you think they might be. You can have a depressive episode but there is no trigger for it on the outside, you can seem happy and be quite content in that sense.

The MS wants to talk about his condition so other people will feel empowered to ask for help, and to try break down the stigma. He has already referenced it in the Senedd chamber, having told the members of his Conservative group, but admits dreading going public. "I can function with it now," he said.

There's help available if you need it:

Mind Cymru infoline is open Monday to Friday from 9am to 6pm. To contact them call 0300 123 3393.

Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (in the UK and Republic of Ireland this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).

C.A.L.L. (Community Advice & Listening Line) offers emotional support and information/literature on mental health and related matters to the people of Wales and can be contacted on 0800 132 737 or through the website.

The NHS offers help and advice through its 111 service.

"But if you look at the people who have it, people like Stephen Fry, for example, Mel Gibson, they have intense lifestyles, so it can be done. Just because of a diagnosis it doesn't mean that all of your personal ambitions just cease to be or anything like that," he said.

Gareth has never returned to the depths he felt at the start of his diagnosis. "I try make that, to myself, a personal ambition to not get there again. I always think to myself, 'well, if I take that as the lowest part of where I've been and work up' then I try learn from experiences. So if I have a lower episode or a higher one, I try think, have a period of reflection and think, 'what what triggered that?' Sometimes I don't know, but it's just looking at things and just trying to make sense of it. I just try and learn from experiences," he said.

"What I did was use that as a sort of a foundation, to build up from thinking, 'if I take this diagnosis as a foundation to know what the triggers are and learn'," he said. "It's very much an ongoing thing. But you learn what the triggers are and managing your lifestyle and what works for me. I eat healthily, I exercise quite a lot. For me, I try to meet it halfway. So I think, what can I do on my end of the bargain?" For the latest politics news in Wales sign up to our newsletter here.

Exercise is a release for him, for some headspace, but also as a place to reflect and contextualise things. "It's not to say that I have a definitive Bible on how to navigate bipolar disorder, but it's what works for me as a person. Each individual is different," he said.

Over the summer recess Gareth became an ambassador for Bipolar UK. "That was a bit of a long process really, because I initially I didn't feel I was ready to face it publicly so I thought over summer, I feel I'm ready now," he said, saying it's partly his understanding of the condition but also being more settled as a Senedd member.

He wants to see more awareness among employers and more widely and for the Welsh Government do more too. He now holds the role of mental health spokesman for his group in the Senedd too.

"When I signed up to be ambassador I hoped it would get the conversation out there publicly. And I just hope that it creates an opportunity for people to perhaps contact their GP, or health service, health provider, whatever that first step is, talking to a partner or friend, whoever that may be, but to get people talking about mental health."