   2 April 1999 - Early morningTwo days. I never thought that two days could be so long.I've tried everything. I have sent everything I can and more, I have reached out, I have begged and pleaded and I have gotten nothing in return. It's like a nightmare from which I can't awaken, even though I haven't slept the entire time. I've poured out my soul until there is nothing left, and still I keep trying.And Severus won't listen. He refuses to feel what I am sending him. He refuses to listen.He refuses to care. Or to allow himself to care.I will keep trying, because what else can I do? He may be able to live without me, but I can't live without him. The wolf can't live without him, and I don't want to live without him. Unfortunately, the choice is in his hands.There is an Order meeting tonight, or so said an owl I received from Minerva. Not Severus, but Minerva, as though he can't bear to even bring himself to give in to the extent of sending me a missive purely for business. I will go. Perhaps, just perhaps being in the same room will soften his attitude. If I could only touch him, force him to acknowledge what he share, I could break down the wall he is trying to erect between us. A wall of jealousy and injured pride. I suppose that shows how much he truly cares for me. I suppose I should have expected it. Even if he loved me, even if he wanted to be with me, he hates Sirius even more.And now I am jealous. How ironic is that? |
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