James McNicholas (@jamesmcnicholas) on X (original) (raw)

comedian & footy writer | ★★★★ The Guardian ★★★★ The Times ★★★★ The Scotsman |

@unitedagents

| 📕 'THE CHAMP & THE CHUMP' is out now! Link in bio.

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  Here’s something I wrote for my newborn son.
  
  One day I’ll take you to the football. You’ll be cold, and ask me which team we are. I’ll buy a programme for you, but it’ll be me that keeps it in a drawer forever.
  
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  my wife unplugs our toaster every time she gets something out of it because she's scared of electricity & every time i try and toast something i forget & put bread in only to come back after 2 mins to find untoasted toast and honestly i think this might be what ends our marriage
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  Hancock resigns two days before #LoveIsland starts. Coincidence????
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  One day I’ll take you to the football. You’ll be cold, and ask me which team we are. I’ll buy a programme for you, but it’ll be me that keeps it in a drawer forever.
  
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  The country just willingly elected Boris Johnson as Prime Minister. We can’t laugh at America anymore, or anywhere else. This is stupidity on a scale we’ve never seen. This country is so, so, so, so fucked.
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  Replying to @jamesmcnicholas
  And one day I’ll wonder at how I knew all this After just one day. But for now, That one day Is more than enough.
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  Noticed my accountant's surname had changed so emailed to ask if she'd recently got married and offer my many congratulations. She got divorced.
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  So angry with Liam Neeson that I just went out and thumped an Irish person
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  Went to Marseille to visit the infamous La Castellane estate where Zinedine Zidane grew up. The purpose was to research this article for
  @TheAthleticFC
  : theathletic.com/3940814/2022/1…Didn’t go entirely to plan. Fortunately, I documented it in video form. 🧵
  
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  if I was on #LoveIsland and a new girl came in I’d go right up to her and demand to know what was happening in the World Cup
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  A few years ago a bloke approached me and told me he’d written a feature film and I was perfect for the lead. I read the script and at the end the character wanks off a dog

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