James McNicholas (@jamesmcnicholas) on X (original) (raw)
comedian & footy writer | ★★★★ The Guardian ★★★★ The Times ★★★★ The Scotsman |
| 📕 'THE CHAMP & THE CHUMP' is out now! Link in bio.
- Pinned

Here’s something I wrote for my newborn son.
One day I’ll take you to the football. You’ll be cold, and ask me which team we are. I’ll buy a programme for you, but it’ll be me that keeps it in a drawer forever.

my wife unplugs our toaster every time she gets something out of it because she's scared of electricity & every time i try and toast something i forget & put bread in only to come back after 2 mins to find untoasted toast and honestly i think this might be what ends our marriage
Hancock resigns two days before #LoveIsland starts. Coincidence????
One day I’ll take you to the football. You’ll be cold, and ask me which team we are. I’ll buy a programme for you, but it’ll be me that keeps it in a drawer forever.

The country just willingly elected Boris Johnson as Prime Minister. We can’t laugh at America anymore, or anywhere else. This is stupidity on a scale we’ve never seen. This country is so, so, so, so fucked.


Replying to @jamesmcnicholas
And one day I’ll wonder at how I knew all this After just one day. But for now, That one day Is more than enough.


Noticed my accountant's surname had changed so emailed to ask if she'd recently got married and offer my many congratulations. She got divorced.
So angry with Liam Neeson that I just went out and thumped an Irish person
Went to Marseille to visit the infamous La Castellane estate where Zinedine Zidane grew up. The purpose was to research this article for
@TheAthleticFC
: theathletic.com/3940814/2022/1…Didn’t go entirely to plan. Fortunately, I documented it in video form. 🧵

if I was on #LoveIsland and a new girl came in I’d go right up to her and demand to know what was happening in the World Cup
A few years ago a bloke approached me and told me he’d written a feature film and I was perfect for the lead. I read the script and at the end the character wanks off a dog
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