By the pricking of my thumbs, Somthing wicked this way comes. (original) (raw)
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Friday, January 29th, 2010 3:08 am - Angel babies Haven't been sleeping well for last two weeks. Its hard to cope with the grief that comes with losing a child, even in the early stages. Maddie has been a life saver, she keeps me busy in the day times but I am struggling at night... Even two sleeping tablets can't put me to sleep. I just dwell on what has happened.My baby died on Jan 23rd 2010.My precious Angel baby now.How do you cope with the death of a child... how do you even begin to grieve and how do you move on?I've had the whole "At least you know you can get pregnant" and "You can always try again" but I wanted THIS little spark. Yes, we can try again and will however I don't want to gloss over what has happened. This was a child... with a beating heart who I fell in love with and wanted to look after for the rest of my life...However it seems little Nicky was needed to be an angel more than I needed to be a Mummy again... It feels like part of me has died too. I never knew I was capeable of feeling so much pain and sorrow. And its so hard for people to understand.All I want is just one cuddle... And the acknowledgement that Nicky was here and mattered. I know with time the ache in my heart will lessen and life will move on again, but it just seems like that will be a very long time away.current mood:  sad (1 comment | comment on this) Sunday, December 14th, 2008 8:40 pm - Bump So... exciting times are here!I caught a sight of myself in the mirror today and yep... I noticed the bump for the first time.So I took my measurements and yep... 9cm extra around the hips.I've had two u/s so far and I *know* there is a whole nother person in there, but haven't had it really sink in til now...I guess since I am now officially in trimeter 2 that I probably better accept it sooner rather than later!!! The really sweet thing though... There is a present to the bub from Daddy under the Christmas tree... I know I am hormonal and have baby brain, but I just think it's so sweet...current mood:  excited (1 comment |
comment on this) Monday, October 20th, 2008 5:51 pm I am cautiously excited. (1 comment | comment on this) Wednesday, October 8th, 2008 4:43 pm I can't believe this thing is still going!!!Thanks to Sam for the reminder! (4 comments | comment on this) Sunday, May 28th, 2006 1:40 pm - The future Matt and I had one of those "future" talks the other night. Finally talked about the future, what we wanted from it and when things may happen. The gist of it is as follows:Matt wants to buy property on his own before he settles down. He is in the process of contacting a mortgage broker to see what he can borrow. He plans to buy a 2-3 bedroom place which we will live in together, hopefully by the end of the year. We will have a joint household account that we will contribute a set amount and I will pay him rent, in the future this place will be used as collateral when we buy investment properties. Other than the joint account money earned will be kept seperately as our own.Matt is also trying for a job in education, that will have us working together again. If he doesn't get this job then there is a chance that we would try living/working in Melbourne for a spell.Long term tentative plans are kids around the age of 30-35 (two) where I will take a full year off work to raise them. We plan to both put money aside for a full year prior to this occasion. Marriage/engagement is not on the cards yet and will not be until at least next year at the earliest occasion. Matt wants to live together prior and we both want an engagement of 1-2 years. So we'd be looking maybe sometime around 2009? at the earliest. Post kids I would return to work most likely in a casual role.A honeymoon would involve a trafalgar/contiki tour of Europe. Obviously these are still very early days as we've only been together for 6 months. We plan to revise these every 3-6 months and see where we are at work and with our lives. But these are some of the things we want together for the future. It's pretty good though, we covered living arrangements, money, children, childcare, holidays, savings etc.Is there anything we've forgotten?current mood:  determined (4 comments |
comment on this) Monday, May 22nd, 2006 5:12 pm I hate coming off night duty. I am so tired. I've had maybe 12 hours of sleep in the last 5 days.Sam, do you remember when I was 18 and my Dad took me to a psychic? We listened to the tape she made and she made a prediction that would come true when I am 26. Do you remember that predicition and do you think it has?I'd love to hear your input. A lot of the other stuff she said has come true. (1 comment | comment on this) Saturday, May 20th, 2006 1:49 am - Update I've been offered a job today in an upper GI/liver ward.I've accepted it, so it looks as if I will be spending the indefinate future in Sydney.At least it's work.I was also given a pearl necklace today by a pt to thank me for looking after her. I love having pts like that!Matt is well. Sometimes it blows me away to think of how much I love him and how much I am looking forward to sharing a future with him. I never thought I was capeable of loving someone as much as I love him, but it just goes to show. He is also in the process of applying for a job, so I really hope he gets it. It would mean we would work pretty close together.I really hope he gets it.I miss Sam. I'm working atm, I also miss Matty.current mood:  working (1 comment |
comment on this) Monday, January 30th, 2006 11:35 am - Melb update Greeting everyone,The Melb trip with Matty and myself went well. We had an awesome time. the best bit consisted of catching up with Sam and Lee. We also found time to go on puffing billy, check out sky high in the Dandenongs, went down to Portsea/Sorrento and into the city to see the Rialto and to have lunch at Cafe La.I was SO nervous introducing him to my parents, but they, Timmy and Lucy all seem to love him.High praise indeed if my dog likes him.More later...current mood:  curious (comment on this) Tuesday, January 10th, 2006 11:47 pm - Where does time go? It's been such a long time since I made an entry!Sorry, just haven't had the net access. I'm at Matt's house at the moment checking things out so won't be checking things too regularly.But here is the update...Work is going ok. I've been working in Neurosurgery for the last couple of weeks which is fun. Matty's been helping me out heaps which is awesome. People at work are starting to find out that we are dating which cracks me up.I've met a wonderful man and his family, who are great people. I've never loved someone so much or been as happy as I am now. I don't know what the future is with Matt or even if there will be one, it's early days and there are still some huge obsticles to overcome, but even if there is no future with him I will be left with a period of my life when I can look back and know that I have been really happy. It's a wonderful gift that he has given me. IK'm still getting really homesick. I miss Sam so much and I'm really starting to miss Melbourne and my family etc. Matt and I are heading home in a little under two weeks. It will be an interesting trip and I can't wait for him to meet Mum and Dad and Sam.I do need some help though...What is the number one thing I need to do with Matt when we are in Melbourne. I have one day to show him aroundand want to know what the ONE thing that we should do to really sell Melbourne to him?current mood:  happy (1 comment |
comment on this) Friday, November 11th, 2005 7:04 am Got out of hospital yesterday, back at work today.Don't you love it?For those who don't know I was hit by a car on the way to Chris's party last Friday.Am ok though.I was faking it. (2 comments | comment on this) Tuesday, November 1st, 2005 6:30 pm - Sydney update There is a girl who likes Paul so much that she has had to go away for weekend counselling.Now if that is not something to worry about!Sydney is working out so great. I caught up with Chris about a week ago who I haven't seen in about 3 years. It blew me away seeing him again! I miss Sam.Work is good, it's soo much better here than in Melbourne.Church is... interesting. Jason is heading to Fiji on Thursday for a week so I won't get to se him on Sunday. Paul has invited me to a touch rugby game on Saturday and last Saturday Miriam invited me to go bush walking with her and Andrew. Little did I know Paul (who is heading down the same track as Leny aka he who should not be named) was there too. It was a great spotlight bush walk. I loved it! Except for the Spiders!Miriam and I are going or a walk along the beach tomorrow after work. I can't wait!I am so broke at the moment it's scary.current mood:  awake (2 comments |
comment on this) Thursday, September 22nd, 2005 11:17 pm - Moving day, phone calls from Paul! It's all happening. So today we (Lee, Sam, Colin and myself) packed up the truck for the drive to Sydney tomorrow.Can I just take this moment to say how wonderful I think Sam, Lee and Colin are.Real friends help you move. Really good friends send you out to buy rope and drinks for everyone while they finish loading all the heavy stuff like couches and tables into the truck. I returned today to find everything done. I love it!It's scary how much crap I've accumulated.And we had the highlight of the day...I was having my nap when I rolled over to find my phone going off with "party boy" from Jackass. I think "what the fuck..." because no one is assigned that ring tone. I look at my phone and see it flashing with "Paul".I instantly wake up.And chicken out from answering it.3 sms's come through. Paul asking me to call him, Paul asking me to meet him on Sunday (*scream*) and Paul claryifing when he wants to see me on Sunday.I have palpatations, then call him back and message him...a short conversation later: we're hooking up Sunday week.I am freaking out.( A photo of PaulCollapse ) current mood: happy (comment on this) 1:20 am You know what?I have finally had it with my parents.Enough is enough.In the words of an immortal with apologies:"I'm not going to take it. No, I'm not going to take it. I'm not going to take it anymore." (1 comment |
comment on this) Wednesday, September 21st, 2005 6:59 am Uh oh. (2 comments | comment on this) 4:44 am Paul sounds like a bogan on his message bank. It cracks me up every time I hear it.Two more sleeps till I start to move to Sydney! (comment on this) 4:38 am - Steeples When I was in church last Sunday one of the guys singing in the choir got an erection.Does anyone thing this is a little odd?(The guy having an erection, not me being in church. That I can explain.) (comment on this) Friday, September 16th, 2005 4:00 am Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,Silence the pianos and with muffled drumBring out the coffin, let the mourners come. Let aeroplanes circle moaning overheadScribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves. He was my North, my South, my East and West,My working week and my Sunday rest,My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.For nothing now can ever come to any good. (2 comments | comment on this) Thursday, September 15th, 2005 10:19 pm |
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