| How to Introduce Your Father, The Duke?Presumably, a Duke's title is not usually (or ever) the family surname. For the sake of illustration, let's say there is a British Duke of Highhampton, with the first name of Peter and family surname Cameron. His third son, who works as a minor government official in the Bahamas, introduces him to an American friend who also lives in the Bahamas (and who does not know the family's history) at a casual lunch. In an effort not to drop a conversational bombshell (as has happened with past introductions to Americans), the son does not say "This is my father, the Duke of Highhampton." What would he say instead? Would a member of the British aristocracy ever simply say "This is my father, Peter Cameron"? (If so, presumably the friend would call the father "Mr. Cameron" during the subsequent conversation, intending to show generational respect. However, would a duke find this an offensive come-down from his real title?) Or would it be most plausible that the son would at least say, "This is my father, Peter Cameron, Duke of Highhampton," even when the introduction is in a relaxed setting? -- Florence BrookDear Ms. Brook: I love this question because it superficially about addressing nobility, but it really about making introductions. For formal situations the forms of address are fixed by protocol. Casual situations may call for casual forms of address ... which are the realm of etiquette. Etiquette allows for the individual to interpret what he or she believes is right for the situation. Here's what I think: 1) The job of the introducer is to provide the names for the people being introduced to use when each responds to the introduction. The son will be in the best position to know what his father will like to be called by his son's friends and what his friends will like to be called by his father. It is the son's function as the introducer is to establish the right common ground. 2) Acknowledging the other person's status ... whether a student, military officer, your supervisor, or both father and the holder of a noble title .... is a essential to establishing good communication. Perhaps the best plan is for the son to brief everyone in advance of what he will do and what he thinks each should call the other, so everyone can enjoy the start of a new friendship. Protocol officers typically brief their bosses on what the "call by" names are for people they are about to meet. It's really easy ... and makes things go smoothly. RE: In an effort not to drop a conversational bombshell (as has happened with past introductions to Americans), the son does not say "This is my father, the Duke of Highhampton." Secrets that explode during the event are really planning problems! The purpose of protocol is to establish a stress-free environment so the planned work of the event or meeting can be accomplished. -- Robert HickeyDear Mr. Hickey, Thank you for your insight. It's very kind of you to respond, and charming to me for different reasons, not the least of which is the comment about a secret that explodes. I was once the inadvertent subject at such a moment, and embarrassed a speaker in front of a big roomful of his peers and bosses due to the klutzy job he did introducing me (no loss of face for me, a whole lot of loss of face for him). I don't believe any of his staff ever had the slightest inkling that they should have been abashed for not briefing him properly. They all just stood around and tsk-tsked him for his faux pas. I once met an earl at a friend's house in Oregon. We were hanging around on a summer day in shorts and were introduced by first name only (i.e., not a protocol-officer moment). My friend is rabidly egalitarian, yet even she was quite ready to whisper in my ear that he was an earl. I therefore guess it is unrealistic to think a member of the British aristocracy would ever fail to mention that fact, either prior to an introduction or during, no matter how casual the setting. (A contessa I know is always introduced by only her first and last name, but she points out that her title doesn't mean anything, since Italy is a republic. And though she feels this way, I knew by the end of our first meeting that she is a contessa. The secret just doesn't keep.) The only part of what you said that I wonder about is the assertion that once everyone's status is on the table, they can go forth and enjoy the start of a new friendship. Perhaps, if the room is full of other people of similar stature (wealth, fame, achievement or position). But if the room contains only one duke and some guys, it seems that the title must inevitably impede genuineness. Anyway, many thanks again. I ordered your book last night and am looking forward to learning all the things I did wrong when working at the Senator's office back in the day. -- Florence Brook |
| **How to Acknowledge Officials in the AudienceWhen Giving a Speech? Generally or Individually?**Robert, how would you address a group of senators, governors, police officers, etc.? Would it be generally like the plural of "sir" and "ma'am" -- "ladies and gentlemen," or "assembled guests" for instance? Or do I mention just the top ones? -- Jim Sternberg Dear Jim: If you have a wide variety of officials the challenge is to figure out a natural place to stop mentioning them by name so you don't spend your time picking out certain people in the audience ... and end up overlooking others. Here is the standard approach: The speaker will specifically acknowledge those on the podium then go on to acknowledge everyone else in a generally way. E.g., The President at the State of the Union Message is on the podium with just the Speaker of the House of Representatives and The Vice President ... so he begins his speech with those officials in precedence order: Madame Speaker, Mr. Vice President, distinguished guests, and the American people .... etc. If no one is on the podium with you ... thank just the person who introduced you ... so if Thomas Smith is the master of ceremonies ... Mr. Smith, distinguished visitors, and ladies and gentlemen ... And when ending your speech, I got some excellent advice from Linda Reed, a PSOW Graduate in Eugene, Oregon. Linda achieved her Distinguished Toastmaster (DTM) from Toastmasters International a few years ago. She suggests "To end a speech the speaker would make their final point which could be a summarization of their strongest points or a call to action. Then the speaker can turn and extend a hand to shake hands with the person who will resume the control of the lectern or simply step back from the lectern, but not leave the lectern until the next speaker is there." -- Robert Hickey |
How to Introduce State and City Officials and In What Order? I am involved in fund raising for a non-profit charity which operates a homeless men's overnight shelter. We have a fund raiser on Saturday, November 7th. I expect several Washington State Representatives, The mayor of our city, and several city council members to attend. I need help on the order of introduction as well as the titles to use for each category. All are elected to office but I don't want to repeat The Honorable over and over. Please suggest order and best title to use. _-- Charles Kolkaski, In the State of Washington_Dear Mr. Kolakaski:The order in which they are introduced is determined by precedence 1) Rank your list by their office --- high to low. 2) When there is more than one official of the same "rank" -- order them within their category. For elected officials ranking is by length of service in that office. These politicians WILL know their relative ranking (and it's important to them) just like when you go into a market and take a number: You know who was there when you walked in the door, and you know who came after you. You can find the date they were elected in their biographies on the state and city websites. 3) Officials in their jurisdiction have higher precedence that those out of their jurisdiction: e.g., the mayor of a city has the highest precedence in his or her town. A state representative in his or her jurisdiction is higher than other representatives out of their jurisdictions .... etc.Making the introductions Even if you get tired of saying "The Honorable" over and over your elected guests will not! Introduce each correctly ... everyone is entitled to their rank and name. So those entitled to "The Honorable" should get it. Doing so makes you knowledgeable and your organization look good. Best of all for a non-profit organization -- saying their names and titles correctly is absolutely free. The formula is: 1) (The Honorable) + (full name) The Honorable Charles Kolakaski 2) Then the position they hold Member of the Washington State House or Representatives for the 20th Legislative District or House Member for the 20th District or Member for the 20th District to the Washington State House of Representatives -- you get the idea. Mayor of (city) Council member, (city) -- Robert Hickey Can I Introduce Myself as Mrs. (Last Name)? Dear Mr. Hickey:I think there is a rule that one never gives oneself an honorific? So by that rule I would never introduce myself as Mrs. James Barkley or Mrs. Karen Barkley or Mrs. Barkley. But recently Carol, the daughter of a friend, addressed me as Karen, and I didn't like it. If I can't say "I am Mrs. Barkley" how can I control what others call me? _--- Karen Barkley, Fort Wayne, Indiana_Dear Mrs. Barkley: Yes ... most formally you wouldn't give yourself an honorific. So don't put Mrs. in front of your name on stationery. But there are circumstances where you will want to determine what another person calls you ... and it's absolutely O.K. to simply say "Carol, I'd prefer you call me Mrs. Barkley." Sometimes we don't like to have to defend our turf, but you are exercising same option if someone calls you Mrs. Barkley and you say "Please call me Karen." My name is Robert, and I always introduce myself as Robert, but every once in a while some one will say "it's nice to meet you Bob" ... and just say "I prefer Robert" .. and it's done. It's my name and I am entitled to determine what I am called. I can think of other times when It's O.K. to introduce identify yourself with an honorific. Doctors do in their office, at the hospital, and on their answering machine to clarify who they are to patients. Or perhaps in your home to a contractor or service provider and you want to maintain formality ... and distance ... in the situation. In each case you aren't so much giving yourself an honorific as you are giving them your correct name for the situation or relationship. -- Robert Hickey January 6, 2009Dear Sir: A quick question for you… President-Elect Barack Obama will be meeting with the Speaker. In making an introduction, I think it would be appropriate to introduce Obama to Pelosi, given that the Speaker’s current position takes precedence. Would you agree? Obama is not yet the President, but he is no longer Senator. Would it be appropriate to say the following, “Madam Speaker, I would like to introduce to you Senator Obama, President-Elect of the United States.” _--- KB on Capitol Hill_Dear KB:Yes, the Speaker has higher precedence in the introduction, President-elect is not on precedence lists -- but "Senator" is ... and a Senator is lower than Speaker of the House. The wording you suggest sounds good. Or you could say "Madame Speaker may I present the President-elect" or "Madame Speaker may I present the President-elect of the United States" Since you address her by her office, maybe it's a elegant to identify him by his? She knows he's Senator Obama. -- Robert HickeyDo I Introduce a Doctor as Dr. (Name) at a Party? At an event where everyone is on a first name basis, does one introduce a doctor with the honorific “Dr.”? Or should I introduce his just with his first name ... no "Dr." -- Amy K. in MontrealDear Amy K.: In a truly social introduction don't introduce a doctor as Dr. (Name). RE: First name basis. Normally only children are introduced with first-names-only. For adults give first and last names in an introduction -- so both parties get complete information -- then let them switch to first-name-only. So saying something like one of the following in a social situation seems good to me ... 1. Michael Updike I would like to introduce Kevin Cox. Michael is a radiologist here in Montreal. Kevin is my neighbor and teaches Canadian history at McGill. This gets them started using first names. Or consider this option: 2. Michael Updike I would like to introduce to you Kevin Cox. Dr. Updike is a radiologist here in Montreal. Dr. Cox is my neighbor and teaches Canadian history at McGill. This gives them a cue that you are not expecting them to be on a first name basis and gets them started with the more formal terms. -- Robert Hickey |
**Not Finding Your Question Answered?**Below are other topics covered in my blog. If you don't see your question answered send me an e-mail. I am pretty fast at sending a reply and if I think It would be of interest to others, I will post the question and the answer with all the names and personal specifics removed. -- Robert HickeyUSE OF NAMES & HONORIFICS Mr., Miss, Jr., III, & Names Married Women Deceased Persons People with Two TitlesPost-Nominal Abbreviations and Initials Joint Forms of Address (How do you write two names?) USE OF SPECIFIC OFFICIAL TITLES Former Officials Professionals and Academics United States Federal Officials United States State Officials United States Municipal Officials All About The Honorable with U.S. Officials Former United States Officials United States Armed Services Retired U.S. Armed Service Officers Tribal Officials Clergy and Religious Officials Canadian Officials Australian Officials British Officials, Royalty, and Nobility Diplomats and International Representatives Foreign National Officials and Nobility SPECIFIC SITUATIONS Etiquette Flags: Traditions and Protocol Introductions Invitations: Writing & Addressing Invitations: Just Armed Service Personnel Name Tags Names on Programs, Signs, & Lists Place Cards Precedence: Ordering Officials Thank You Notes Site updated by Robert Hickey on March 6, 2011  Back to Main Page of the Robert Hickey's BLOG Robert Hickey is the author of Honor & Respect: The Official Guide to Names, Titles, and Forms of Address_Published by The Protocol School of Washington®Foreword by Pamela Eyring_Copyright © 2011 Robert Hickey. All Rights Reserved.Book Photo: Marc Goodman. |