cauliflower drove - ELY ON-LINE - "CAULIFLOWER DROVE" OPERA!!! (original) (raw)
by Reg Dixon
click here for cast list
PARENTAL WARNING!
We rate today`s episode as "PG" - meaning "pretty good"! Actually if you are offended by bad language and extreme violence then you might enjoy this episode!
Episode 1 "Who Killed Reg Dixon ?"
The two men were sheltering from the dust in a barn; "Clunch" Parsons and "Hummer" Thompson. Hummer had earned his nickname on account of being slightly less than bayonet like on the sharpness front. He had monthly spells when he thought that an earthquake was splitting the Fens in half and had to be reassured that it was, in fact, the coalman, who was emptying half a ton of coal into the shed which backed onto Hummer's room. He lived with his old Mum, Gertie, and she would have to hurry into the room to calm him down until his nerves returned to normal. On this occasion though, he was right to seek shelter. The Fen was blowing. Gigantic clouds of dust, soil and filth rolling across the flat land like a chocolate fog. "Clunch" was drawing pictures on the barn wall with a piece of chalk. "What's that then, Hum ?" he said and pointed to his latest work. Hummer gazed at the picture. To anyone else it would be obvious that it was a huge penis with a scrotum like a beach ball dangling underneath. However, Hummer could only view it from his own innocent eyes . "Issa cannon. Like on the green in Ealham. I seenit on Market Day. Yes". "Have another go" laughed Clunch. "You've got one hanging between your legs". Hummer looked down at his knees. He had brought a drink with him from home that morning and it was between his feet. "Bottle of tea. Yes. Tea. Thassit. Tea". Clunch began to laugh. "No you silly bugger. S'an ol' Tadger. Big as yorn. Look Hum. A grit ol' Tadger". Hummer's face dropped. "Don't laugh at me Cluncher. Don't laugh at me. I int done nothin' wrong hev I ?" Clunch slapped Hummer on the back and began to wipe off the picture with the sleeve of his jacket. "I'm only pissin' up your back. Don't take any bloody notice of me !" Hummer realised everything was alright again and began to smile. As his yellow teeth flashed at Clunch a bloodcurdling scream rent the air. And again and a third time."What in pigging hell's that ?" shouted
Clunch. He grabbed Hummmer by the arm and they ran out into the dust storm in the direction of the shouts. Their eyes filled with the black soil as they battled their way across the land. As they progressed towards the noise the wind began to die down and the sky began to clear. As quickly as the wind had whipped the land up into a black soup it died again. The two men looked at each other. They were standing next to a drain at the end of John Worthington's ten acre field. Laying on the earth with a face contorted into a look of extreme horror and a pitchfork through his heart was an friend of theirs. Hummer looked at Clunch and began to scream. "He's dead Cluncher. He's bloody well dead. Cluncher ! Who would have killed Reg Dixon ??????"
The Prologue -Episode Two -Cast List - 'Did you see the wrist watch in Ben Hur' ?- The Colly Continuity Page.
Comments to drove@ely.org.uk
Who Dunnit? Your suggestions Please.
James Brown says "I suspect a fallen pitchfork from one of the overhead helicopters ferrying a local farmer to the office of KLFM for one of their match reports on a Lynn home game."
World Leader reckons "I think that Monica woman did it. Damn girl never could keep her mouth shut. And she was always letting things drop". Yours World Leader