Hungry Jess part 9 (original) (raw)

A double-length chapter this time, with apologies for the delay and the amount of time the Chief spends molesting the thesaurus. Worksafe, somehow, I think.

Without new_kate this fic simply would not be! AND she made me this lovely illustration of Will and the Chief! Eeee!!

The Legend of Hungry Jess Thimbleton

~and Other Tall Tales~

Personages:

Goku ~as~ Hungry Jess Thimbleton, a fearless pioneer whose luck, strength and appetite are known throughout the territories.

Sanzo ~as~ Deadeye Sally MacGruder, sharpest shot west of the Mississip’. The only thing quicker than her revolvers is her foul temper.

Gojyo ~as~ Chief Iron Rod aka Clarence DuFay. A lecherous mulatto bandit from Louisianne, infamous for his dashing good looks, trademark war bonnet and fancy riding. Known kidnapper, drunkard and ravisher of women everywhere.

Hakkai ~as~ William P. Quincy, a demure school teacher from Duxberry, Massachusetts, who moved West with his sister and her new husband.

and

Nataku ~as~ Jenner Birch, Jess’s Rival.

Hakuryuu ~as~ White Lightning, a Faithful Steed.

Kougaiji ~as~ Wyatt the Red, Gentleman Bandit.

Dokugakuji, Yaone and Lirin ~as~ Dolly, Nancy and Lacy Varley, Wyatt’s Gang

Homura ~as~ Mr. Grover Teasdale, Son of a Railroad Tycoon.

Zenon and Shien ~as~ Cormac Finn and Yu Yun, Teasdale’s Henchmen.

Rinrei ~as~ Miss Catalina Barnes of the Savannah Barnes, a Lady.

also featuring

Hazel ~as~ Sheriff Eustace Brewer, an agent of Love and/or Justice.

Gato ~as~ A Giant.

Koumyou ~as~ Eveline MacGruder, Matron of the Crystal Peak Sanitarium.

and

Nii ~as~ Dr. Vernon Borowitz (alias), a Quack.

~Part the Ninth~
Matters of the Heart

“Welcome to Crystal Peak Sanitarium, my boy,” the man in the white lawn suit said, pumping William's hand and running his eyes from William's throat to his crotch. “You've gotten here just in time,” he shifted his leer to Clarence's bare chest. “Yes, I can tell by your grip you've a tense bowel. All sorts of health problems stem from disorders of the bowel, you know! I've just the thing to help you up in the green room. You were planning to stay for a while, weren't you my dears? Please, call me Doctor Borowitz, or just Doctor, if you prefer.” He finally dropped William's hand, which was, by now, unpleasantly clammy. William wiped it discreetly on his pants with well-concealed distaste. “But you,” Borowitz continued, cupping Sally's slender shoulders in his hands, “Must call me Father.”

Eveline MacGruder smiled gently as Borowitz enfolded her daughter in a rather intimate welcoming hug, twining his arms low around her waist and pulling their bodies tight together. Sally's face was the ugly, apoplectic purple of a day-old bruise. “It's so good to have you back with us, Salome,” Borowitz murmured into her hair.

With a merry chime of tack, Eustace Brewer and his posse finally pulled up to the stable yard. The sheriff's eyes glinted coldly as he surveyed the small crowd assembled by the wagon.

“Miss MacGruder,” He bowed over his saddle, one hand perched on the pistol at his hip. “I've-”

“HA!” Jess shouted, jumping up on the wagon tongue. “I DID IT! I BEATCHA TO CALIFORNIA FAIR AND SQUARE JEN.” He broke into a sort of awkward victory dance. Jenner Birch watched with a narrow, private smile.

“Actually,” Borowitz put in, ignoring Sally's attempts to push him off of her, “We're still about half a mile from the California border.”

Jess blinked at the Doctor as Borowitz eyed the way his trousers clung to his thighs.

“Are we, really?” Jenner drawled.

“Oh, yes,” Eveline MacGruder said airily, “For tax purposes, you know.”

Jess hit the ground running.

“Thank y' kindly,” Jen added, tipping his hat to Mrs. MacGruder before leaping from his startled horse and taking off after his rival. The paired clouds of dust they kicked up washed over those assembled outside the Sanitarium, settling onto clothes, hats and skin.

“My,” breathed Eveline, fanning herself with a large paper fan in the oriental style, “Such energy. Well, who's for lemonade?”

Chief Iron Rod would never have guessed Sally MacGruder came from a wealthy family, though her beauty and intolerance of rough manners other than her own certainly suggested it - as did her mother's obvious good breeding and the size and elegance of her Sanitarium. The rambling veranda was populated by plushly cushioned wicker and an assortment of variably menacing pieces of furniture with wires trailing from their bases. One of these, some sort of bench surrounded by a closed, sheer curtain, was inhabited by what appeared to be a small mountain of white lace. The apparatus was humming softly. The lace was giggling.

“Therapeutic vibrating chair,” Doctor Borowitz said, caressing a smaller, black contraption and smiling widely at Sally. “Care to give it a whirl?”

“Don't mind us, dears,” the ravishing Ms. Eveline told the lace, fondly. “My daughter is finally home, and we're all a bit excited.”

“Oh- oh!” Squealed the lace, throwing aside the curtain, “How perfectly lovely! You simply must introduce us.”

The lace fountained briefly and resolved itself into an delicate blond with a happy flush, a charming southern drawl, and a very generous décolletage. She grasped both Sally's hands in hers and began rambling:

“Oh, how very lovely. You and Eveline look just alike! Almost like sisters! Oh, I'm so glad to meet you, really I am. Please call me Catalina. And this is my dear Grovie-kins-”

“You'll have to forgive me if I don't rise,” Grovie-kins said tightly, seated on the vibrating bench in a plum colored suit. He was dark-haired, heavily pomaded and vaguely familiar. His right leg was bandaged and propped up on a leather footstool, which was also plugged into the wall and humming softly.

“My Grovie was injured fighting off those vicious Indians,” Catalina said, her enormous eyes shining like limpid cerulean pools. “They shot him in the leg twice! He's still a bit tender, poor dear. Oh, but I'm so happy! Here, you must come and sit right by me, ah-”

“Salome,” Eveline supplied, arranging herself serenely in a high-backed wicker chair.

“Salome, oh how charming! Just like a Phoenician princess! Oh, we will be good friends, I can tell already.” She maneuvered Sally into the wicker chair closest to her bench by sheer force of feminine good will, then flung herself against Grovie-kins with a contented little sigh and a great perturbation of her wide skirts. Sally, for her part, appeared to be in some kind of overwrought trance, so different from her normal adorable prickliness it was almost alarming.

The rest of the party edged around the vibrating chair, taking care not to touch its matte surfaces. A minor skirmish of elbowing broke out when the Sheriff rudely attempted to steal the chair closest to Sally's, which the Chief had marked as his own. The duel ended abruptly when Will slid around them both and took the chair for himself, dragging the Chief onto the ottoman at his knee. The Sheriff stalked off to the chair across from Sally, pouting with diamond-like intensity. The Sheriff's Giant shuffled silently, left with no where to sit but on the menacing black contraption. Borowitz watched with interest as he settled his steely bulk onto the chair, then reached over and flicked a switch on the back.

“Imagine!” Catalina was saying, “We hadn't seen each other for ten years, and a few weeks later, we're married. Oh, my mother was so cross with me! She had wanted me to wear her dress, you see. Dreadful old thing, all false roses and eyelets...”

The pomaded young man was smiling with blissful indulgence at his lady love, his arm curled round her elegant white shoulder. Her face flushed with beauty at his touch; her white, bird-like hands fluttered delicately against his strong, purple-clad thigh.

Ah, the glories of true love! Chief Iron Rod leaned more closely against Will's knee, toying with the cuff of his pants. His Will, whose gentle smile and petal-soft skin hid such overwhelming strength of passion. And he still couldn't quite think of Will as a man, which was silly because he certainly, definitely was. Was he ever. But, Chief Iron Rod was a lover of women, of delicate flowers such as those assembled on the veranda. It was Miss Catalina's fresh radiance and Eveline's stately grace which attracted him, the way Sally's hair shone in the sun, Will's body like finely carved alabaster, like a perfect marble brought to life. He smirked to himself as Will discretely parted his hair and stroked the back of his neck. No, it was quite impossible for anyone so attractive to be a man, the Chief was quite sure.

The delectable southern belle finally paused for breath.

“You're married?” Sally grated, expression still adrift in the souring remains of shock.

“Oh, yes, right after we arrived,” Catalina bubbled, molding herself to Grovie-kins' side.

“Vernon is a doctor of divinity,” Eveline explained.

“Really?” The Sheriff seemed considerably cheered by the news, and let his smile flash brilliantly at Borowitz before returning to his intent study of Sally's profile.

“We specialize in the treatment of... marital difficulties,” the Doctor purred, eying the Sheriff with renewed interest, “We also have a special package for honeymooners. Preventative medicine, you know.”

“I just can't recommend it enough,” Catalina glowed, laying a hand on Sally's arm and leaning toward her conspiratorially, “He cleared up my neurasthenia and my hysteria in the first two days! Marvelous.”

Sally gave her a horrified look, leaning backward rather precariously. The Chief would have scootched his ottoman closer, in case she fell, but Will's legs seemed to keep getting in his way. Ah, Sally! So proud, so firey, but so soft and needy under her thorns. The tension between her and the young Sheriff was perfectly visible: the way the Sheriff leaned forward in his chair watching her, the sharp, almost pleading little glances she kept shooting him while Miss Catalina detailed her hat collection. Yes, it was clear as day, clear as crystal: The Sheriff was in love with Sally MacGruder, and, with his perfect and hard-won knowledge of Matters of the Heart, Chief Iron Rod could see that she loved him as well. He traced little circles around the point of Will's ankle, picturing it. Their Sally would be a wild cat in bed, biting, tearing at clothing, snarling as she ravished her lucky Sheriff into exhaustion.

“Oh, Salome, dear,” Eveline MacGruder said, with the air of one returning gently from some distant, pleasant recollection, “You must properly introduce us to your young men, when you get a moment.” She smiled.

Sally looked like she'd just swallowed a bug. She held herself stiffly in the wicker chair, seemingly unable to meet her mother's eye.

“Miss MacGruder,” the Sheriff said earnestly, in imminent danger of toppling from his chair in his attempt to get closer to the object of his affections, “If I could just-”

A large pewter tray and a cut glass pitcher set hit the floor with a loud, wet crash. In the doorway, a charming young lady in a crisp white apron stood frozen, one slender hand clapped over her mouth. She had shining blue-black hair, twisted elegantly back, and a supremely generous bosom.

“Oh! Oh, no,” she moaned, trembling visibly.

“That's quite all right, Nancy dear,” Eveline said gently, “Perhaps it's getting to be time for luncheon anyway?”

“Ah, yes, Ms. MacGruder, it is” Nancy said, tearing her eyes away from Sally. The top few buttons of her blouse were undone, revealing the creamy curve of her throat. The Chief lept to her aid, smiling winningly.

“Allow me, Miss,” he said, eyes lingering on the shadowy regions revealed as she bent to help him collect the largest pieces of glass.

He peeked over his shoulder, and found both Will and the Doctor watching him intently, and the three lovely Ladies sneaking glances as well. He smirked to himself and arched his back, just slightly, feeling the play of his powerful muscles. Yes, he'd been cooped up in the wagon with ape-boy for far, far too long. And, while Jess was fun to wind up, he also had an annoying habit of making Will want to protect his innocence. But now, they'd arrived; all Chief Iron Rod's pleasant fantasies about mineral springs, private rooms and wide hotel beds were so close he could taste them. He smiled at the way Nancy's hips swayed as she disappeared back into the hallway, and smiled wider at the hot look Will pinned on him as he turned around.

“Well,” Ms. Eveline said, rising, “We ladies should go freshen up a bit and dress for lunch. Darling, why don't you give the gentlemen a little tour of our facilities before we eat?”

“It would be my pleasure,” Borowitz purred, and pinched her bottom. She smiled warmly at him, took Sally's free hand and helped Miss Catalina guide the stubborn sharpshooter into the house.

On to Part the Tenth: Plain Facts about the Hysteric and Nervous Disorders ~for couples~

The next part should be out some time in mid-May. Most likely there will be two or three more chapters in the main story line, an epilogue and a side story. THIS FIC WILL BE COMPLETED EVENTUALLY I SWEAR.