| 6:47 pm - Goodbye |
 rambuctious Dear Hogan, I'm not sure if I'm able to talk to you ever again because you put me through so much hell. You dumped me for your best female friend Courtney through text when I was already in San Francisco. Why couldn't you be a man and just pick up the phone and answer me. You're not a man at all, you're very immature. It hurts when you texted me you were just using, you loved hurting me, you didn't care about how I felt, and that it was in your genes because your dad is a heartbreaker. You wouldn't pick up the phone because Courtney was in the room, which is strange, so you basically dumped me when she was the room? Really, would someone put up with that, dumping your girlfriend at the time for another girl who was in the room, it fucking hurts. You didn't even give me the fucking dignity to respect me when you dumped me. And you have the fucking nerve to email me the next day to ask me i'm alright without even apologizing for your actions? Fuck you Hogan! Oh and by the way when I was here in San Francisco I was 5 1/2 weeks pregnant with our child, and then I miscarried. It was blessing in disguise, I would say that I miscarriaged. I want to tell you that I miscarried, but I'm not sure if I should because I don't want you to be indifferent to me and interuppt your life with you're new girlfriend. Part of me wants to tell Courtney that you did this so that you can feel the immense pain that I felt when you left me. Damn you! But this situation has made me stronger and wiser in the end. So goodbye because I'm sick and tired of the emotional abuse you me through for the months we were together and the lies that you told me. Have a nice life with you're new girlfriend and hopefully she can put up with your bullshit. -Sammi (comment on this) |
| Tuesday, February 10th, 2009 |
| 2:28 pm - Need a quick favor |
 zeitgeist_clown I know that this isn't the actual purpose of this community, but please, just bear with me for a moment, as I feel it so perfectly fits the feel of it . . . I've entered a story in Literotica's 2009 Valentine's Day contest. It needs votes. It's a fairly short piece of experimental erotic fiction, about a man writing an incredibly undeliverable letter professing his love for a woman he's currently sexually involved in. I'd really appreciate it if you would take a few minute to check it out. Read it, hopefully enjoy it, and then vote on it. Just click one of the five stars near the bottom of the page, after the story, before the comments. I'd like as many positive votes as possible, but hey, be honest. If you thought it sucked, vote that way. If you loved it on the other hand, leave me a high vote. Yay! (Leave a comment, too, if you want. All feedback is encouraged.)http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=405998Thanks much. Votes get tabulated and winners announced at some point on the 12th, so if you could do this BY February 11th, I'd really appreciate it. (I know, short notice. Sorry.)[This might get cross-posted to a few places, depending on what I can all find.] (comment on this) |
| Monday, January 5th, 2009 |
| 3:02 pm - * Apology* |
| rambuctious Dear Chris, It would not matter if I sent this letter to your or no because I know you are not mad at me, you are indifferent to me. I want to say the letter I gave you in the summer was something that I did mean, the kick in the ass, and the attempt to kick you in the crotch, I did that on purpose. At the time I did mean it because I was still hurt and I wanted your attention so I bad. I did not like the monosyllable hellos or the short coversations we had passing by. I'll admit I still wanted you to miss me and still want me back because I was in this delusional world that it would happen. It didn't happen and I knew it myself that it was never was going to happen again. I want to say I'm sorry for my violent outbreaks towards you, I regret what I did. I don't hold grudges, I've been working all semester forgiving you, myself, and trying to accept that situation that I'm dealing with living near you. I've improved and I think less of what's wrong with me or you and now see that shit hit the fan between us. I see that you are with Janna and I wish the best for you guys. I don't know what you think of me, but I"ll admit I still think of you once in awhile. I'm not asking for a hello from you, but I want to send you this for my own well being. Don't say hello to me actually and keep acting the way you did last semester because I believe if you said hi to me you might light hope for me and I don't want that. You've made me stronger, thank you. -Sammi (comment on this) |
| Monday, October 13th, 2008 |
| 3:39 pm - my first hate letter. |
 ironjawedalice Not So Dear Andrew, Pardon my language, but you are a douchebag. I’ve tried and tried to forgive you and I think I finally have, but I will never forget. You betrayed me. To be honest, I do not even think you deserve to get a letter from me, but here I am writing to you anyway. The thing is, I’m a nice person and I like to be that way, but when I think of your smug little face, I turn into a raging monster, ready to attack at any moment. I do not attack. I have never attacked. I probably will never attack because that is just who I am, but I hope what you did haunts you forever. Let me start by telling you my side of the story, since you were too busy making up excuses to let me get a word in edgewise. I was seventeen years old and a senior in high school. You were a twenty year old college student who I had met through church friends over the summer. I thought you were funny and we quickly became good friends. You invited me to a big party at your friend’s house and I went there after my homecoming dance. I assumed I could trust you so I didn’t mind when I showed up to find only six men there and no other women or a sign of a party in sight. By the way, thanks for taking advantage of my natural ability to trust. That felt really good. Anyway, I realize that showing up to a house full of men wearing a low-cut dress with perfect hair and make-up was a lot like a stripper showing up to a bachelor party, but am not a stripper or a prostitute and you know that. I’m digressing, but you deserve to be as confused as I was, so I just don’t care. Anyway, the party was fun at first. You boys were all nice to me, pouring me shots, letting me play Quarters, smoking me out in the back yard. How on earth could I be suspicious of such gentlemen? Obviously, I should have been. I don’t remember most of the night, to be honest, but the things I do remember are the things I wish I could forget. What I remember is me getting drunk and sloppy and you taking advantage of me. I remember having to be held up in my chair while playing Quarters and you still encouraging me to drink. I remember drunk-dialing Lindsay and your friend Norman taking the phone and assuring her that I was safe with them. What I’d like to know is how you boys define safe. Just because I was still alive in the morning doesn’t give you the right to assume I was safe. When a person is safe, she does not wake up in the morning half-naked on a couch in extreme pain with her hair and face sticking to a pillow. A safe person does not wake up freezing cold and find that her purse has been gone through and money is missing. A safe person does not find compromising photos of her in her own camera from the night before and remember lights flashing and illuminating the horrifying memories. A safe person doesn’t have to drive herself to church at 6:30 in the morning only to collapse in the nursery and be sent home. A person does not shake uncontrollably for two weeks after a party if she was safe there. If that wasn’t bad enough, your dear friend Norman was also in the room when you finally did what you had been trying to do all night. Apparently screaming at the top of my lungs wasn’t enough to let either of you know that it wasn’t a “safe” thing to do. I just can’t believe that any self-respecting church leader would do a thing like that. To know that boys in junior high are being taught important Christian values by such a creep horrifies me and makes me think that no one can be trusted. I certainly can’t trust you and since I didn’t see your true self until it was too late, how can I expect to trust anyone else ever again? The thing is, if I had woken up the next morning tucked into a bed with my nerves and hygiene still intact, I would not have been angry with you for a second. No girl enjoys waking up sprawled like a half-dressed rag doll covered in various body fluids that I do not need to name because you were there and you know what they are. Maybe it’s socially acceptable in your wacked out brain to throw women out like trash when you are done with them, but here in the real world we call that physical and mental abuse, which you inflicted on me in abundance. I know you’re probably wondering why I’m not writing this to Norman, the supposed keeper of my safety, or Kevin, the not yet mentioned photographer of incriminating photos. I’m not writing to Norman because I will never see him again and he was not someone I ever trusted to begin with. I’m not writing to Kevin because he came to me honestly rather than feeding me some bullshit story about being “so drunk,” and “unable to control myself,” and “totally regretting ever hurting you.” At least Kevin came to me, admitted his mistake, and did not expect me to forgive him right away. At least Kevin had the common sense to stay away from me for awhile to let me cool off. You, on the other hand, jumped right into my life hours later, pathetically groveling and begging me not to press charges. Sometimes I wish I had pressed charges so you would have been put away somewhere where I wouldn’t have to see and hear from you all the time. I don’t think you understand that every time I see your frustratingly common name anywhere, I cringe at the thought of you and what you did to me. You see, you have royally screwed me over for the rest of my life. What am I supposed to do when my friends start telling their funny or amazing stories of how they lost their virginity and all I can do is sit in silence, pretend to smile, and hope that the conversation ends before any attention turns to me? How am I supposed to enjoy parties when I am always looking around warily for untrustworthy men? I have an older brother and a strong network of male friends and because of you, I can never look at any of them the same way I did before you ruined my life. Before you can try to argue this letter and say that I never fought you or said no, I want to clarify a few laws I know of that you seem to have overlooked. First of all, you are not allowed to assume that a person is saying yes if they do not say no. By law, doing that is considered rape. Second of all, I was drunk! No sex can be considered consensual if one or more parties is under the influence of alcohol. Third, you physically harmed me and gave me excessive amounts of alcohol. Correct me if I am wrong, but I think I hear “endangerment of a minor” written between the lines of that last statement. Fourth, and most important, I was seventeen years old. You were twenty. I know that I don’t have to tell you that this is considered statutory rape. I know you fully understand that because you were so quick to call me to make sure you weren’t going to have to go to prison, rather than to make sure that I was okay. For the record, I wasn’t okay, I’m still not okay, I am going to struggle with this for the rest of my life, and it’s all your fault. For a long time, I tried to take the blame for most of what happened that night. I told myself it was my choice to stay there and get drunk, it was my choice not to change into a more modest and comfortable set of clothes, it was my choice because I never said no to you. Now I realize that the only thing I ever did wrong was choose to trust you at all. The fact that you and Norman were inside the room together forcing your disgusting intentions on me at the same time just makes this situation even better, don’t you think? I hope you’re familiar with the term “gang rape” because that is essentially what you did and what I hear they like to do in prison, which is where I often wish I had sent you. I honestly wish I could forget the entire night. I wish I could erase it completely from existence and allow everyone to be friends again. I wish you hadn’t betrayed me and forced me to break up a tight group of friends over it. I wish I could still call you up on weekends to go to Denny’s, but those days are gone along with my respect for you. Even when I tried to trust you and attempted to be friends again because I believed that you really had changed, I was hit with the reality that some people never change and you are one of those people. I’m just assuming that taking advantage of drunk girls from church in front of other people must give you some kind of fix because you seem to be making a habit out of it. The very first time I tried to go to the same party as you after that fateful incident, you had my good friend who had been passing out all night under a blanket with you in the middle of the living room. I know you were trying to be discreet, but some things are not easy to hide and what you were doing under that blanket is one of those things. Not only did you do this, but you were also expected to be Designated Driver that night in a car only you know how to drive. I guess you probably don’t have any memory of the other boys lurching home in fear of being pulled over in your tiny manual car with you puking in the back seat. If I was as drunk as you were, I would not remember it either. You make me sick. You need to take responsibility for yourself and those around you and stop being the selfish bastard you have been getting away with being for nearly twenty-two years. You told me to grow up when I finally tried to confront you for all the things you have put me through, but I think I have been twice the adult you will ever be. If anyone needs to grow up in this situation, it needs to be the groveling child who never learns from his mistakes and never takes responsibility for his actions. You are the most despicable person I have ever had the misfortune of meeting and if I never see you again, it will still be too soon. Have a nice life asshole, Jocelyn current mood:  calm (comment on this) |
| Sunday, August 10th, 2008 |
| 10:38 am - MORE! MORE! MORE! |
 whatiforgotosay MORE! MORE! MORE!Hey guys, Thanks for your help so far, but now that we've got the ball rollin, we gotsta keep it goin! We want your letters, good or bad, old or new to publish on our site (pswhatiforgottosay.blogspot.com check it!) If you wanna send us some cool hard-copies or art or a dirty sock (with a ps of course) you can send it to our P.O. box...those are our favorite! Check us out, then help us out! www.pswhatiforgottosay.blogspot.comwhatiforgottosay@gmail.comK.DULLpo box 266new york, ny 10113 (comment on this) |
| Sunday, July 20th, 2008 |
| 2:34 pm - Anger stems from Love |
| rambuctious Dear Chris, It's difficult for me to express my anger towards you because of my pride. I know you broke up with me months ago, but it still hurts so much. Memories cycle in my brain everyday and it gets me irritated that I have to deal with it. I just wanted to point out that you were never the main point of my happiness, you added to my happiness. So don't feel guilty if you thought you thought you were that. I'm much stronger than you think, how dare you underestimate me. The break up has caused for me from crying spontaneously and getting mad randomly, I would. But telling you is not going to do anything, and I know that. I want you to hate to me or be angry at me because I want you to experience what I'm feeling right now. I don't want to be angry at you, I really don't. (Its a waste of energy) But I opened so much of myself to you physically and emotionally, that I feel that you threw me out. But every time I talk to you, my anger goes away, like I forget why I was angry at you in the first place. Funny how that happens. Eventually, I do want to be friends with you, because you are still part of me, but I feel that if you are not going to put out the effort to be friends with me, there is no point. (comment on this) |
| Sunday, July 13th, 2008 |
| 5:04 pm - CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS! |
| whatiforgotosay P.S. WE NEED YOUR LETTERS!we are compiling anonymous letters for a book we intend to publish which borrows solely the post script "p.s." of the letters. by responding to this post, you agree to have us publish your letter, but don't be scared!please send us emails, letters (scanned or directly to our po box!), photos with a letter, etc. but do make sure to include the letter in its entirety [though we will only use the postscript section]! & of course, please feel free to send letters in any language!remember, by sending us your letters, you consent to letting us use do this, and we promise to be your friends! and let us tell you, we're worth it! thank you.www.pswhatiforgottosay.blogspot.comwhatiforgottosay@gmail.compo box 266new york, ny 10113 (comment on this) |
| Sunday, September 16th, 2007 |
| 4:01 pm - Dear Neighbors |
|
| Monday, August 27th, 2007 |
| 12:27 pm |
 jciams01 To Whom It May Concern, I am at a loss on what to do for our relationship anymore. We have taken it back to dating to work on the mentality of both of ourselves for us and then just work on being back together again. Every day though, I see that you are only focused on the relationship. That isn't the main thing that we have to work on, that can come at an point in time if it is meant to be. You need to work on yourself, and make yourself feel better and become whatever you think you need to in this world. Also, you need to work on doing your own thing in life. I appreciate your company, but when you are around me and do everything I do every minute I am home, it gets very monotonous. Have you heard the phrase, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder"? That does apply in life. I know when you went to your grandma's for a week, I was excited to just have time to myself. I want you to go and do what you want. I don't care if one time you want to take my car and drive it (even though you don't have your license) just to go somewhere and do something. I am not your whole life and I have never wanted to be. Your life is what you make of it, and my life is what i make of it; from there, we are together in a relationship that works for love and heart and to be happy together. No one should ever make someone their whole life. The other night I brought up that you kept saying, " I am changing for you...". You got quiet because I don't think you really realized you were doing it, but you can't change for someone. You have to be what you have to be. I know that we have a son together, and that does make life hard and complicated for some points. That doesn't mean you have to become what I want a woman to be, because then you won't truly be yourself. If you become who you want to be in this world and we can't get a long, then that is how it is suppose to be. I can't guarantee that I will grow and turn into a man that you can love for the rest of your life. That is what I told you when we first got together. We don't know what love is for eternity. We know what love means to us at that point in time, but not what it will always mean. These are just some frustrations that I have had and I wanted you to know also. I know that you will get mad and you might bring it up to my face and you will most likely cry to me and that is the hardest part for me. I am not judging as a better person in this world because I am not. I am just telling you what I see that I am not happy with.Love,Your Mancurrent mood:  confused (1 comment | comment on this) |
| Thursday, January 18th, 2007 |
| 10:30 am - The Homosexual Best Friend |
 g_rock11302010 Dear Warren, I never understood fully why you did what you did. We were best friends since 8th grade...I loved you and still do. I can remember the day you brought me flowers and gave me your class ring. The flowers were YOUR favorites. They became mine too for a short period of time, mainly bc they were our favorites...You never once asked me what my favorite flower was. You just kept giving me the ones you likes. It was always about you. I really don't care how many times you say it was all about me and just how self-centered I was/am. I was always thinking of you. I wanted you to be happy. Everyone kept telling me you liked guys, but I loved you and therefore believed you wouldn't be dating me unless you loved me...Hell, you said you loved me over and over. Why do people lie about that? Why did YOU lie about it? You say you care for me, but that's not loving, Warren. That's careing. What I don't understand even more is this. Why would you pretend to be happy and give me a ring for Christmas that year? Why go that far? You made me believe that I was special, when all I ever really was...was a cover-up. There....I see it now....I was a cover-up. You used me. And apparently I am one that likes being used again because I would do it over in a heartbeat. I can't seem to fall out of love with you. It's been almost a year now and yet I still talk to you and try to will you to come back. I'm pathetic, I know. But I can't help it. I love you. Love sees no bounds. If you were to come back to me telling me you loved me, I would jump into your arms and rejoice and forget all the things you've done. But I know that will never happen. So for now I guess I'll sit back, be your friend (if that's all I can get), loving you from afar...~Heartbrokencurrent mood:  depressed (comment on this) |
| Monday, January 15th, 2007 |
| 11:37 pm - blah |
 cattoygirl dear alex,i wish i could see you right now. i wish i could have you next to me. i wish that you'd be here to make me feel better... you always make me smile and laugh better than anyone else.right now i don't want to talk to anyone. not your mom, not your dad, and i definitely don't want to go to work on wednesday because KFC is hell.i wish that we could go to L&L BBQ and have lunch together, alone, then go see a movie. I wish that you were older and we could get engaged, then someday get married, then start a family of our own. I wonder if that will ever happen...i've felt nausea for the past few days. i ran out of Lunchables. I'm almost out of the strawberry ice cream cups. I'm almost out of the lime fruit bars. I've got 2 plums and 2 nectarines left, a bag of white grapes, and a jar of salted ume plum. i have 2 jars of pickles, i have leftover cake, and i have only 2 more strawberry streudles left. lately i craved burnt toast with strawberry glaze. idk why. maybe cuz it was something i used to eat when a kid... i don't like regular jam or jelly, i like the strawberry shortcake glaze. it's smoother, it's clearer, it's sweet.alex, i love you so much sometimes i wonder why i love you this much. i know it's crazy. but you're the father of the baby inside me, and i have been meaning to ask you a very important question... of course, the likelihood of me asking you anytime soon is rather bleak. i haven't seen you in a week and all i've gotten was a couple voicemails from you. alex, why dont you ever say you love me? i know you love me. i know you care so much about me and don't want to lose me. i always hope to hear the next time you say those 3 words. i can't remember when the last time was... it seems so long ago.i know you've been playing maplestory lately. you got to level 28, congrats. i haven't played maplestory in forever.i wonder how your character's hair looks now. i noticed you got hairstyle coupons...and about that, i hope you aren't untrusting of me just because i like to log in as you to see what you spent all that NX i gave you on. i mean, you always trusted me with your password. you used to say you didn't care if i knew everything about you. i remember when you'd snoop thru my backpack and purse at school... don't you remember that? it's kind of funny now when i look back at it. i miss that. i miss how we would try to find out everything about each other. somehow i don't think we know each other very well anymore. i mean, i love you to pieces, but if you were to ask me to marry you anytime soon, i couldn't say that i would want to because i don't think it'd be fair to either of us. i don't think we've gotten the chance to really know each other. i know we've been together for almost 10 months now and we seem to be great together, but how well do we really know each other???i want to know you better. i want to love you better. i want to be with you right now so you could know all of this that i'm feeling...i love you always alex.current mood:  blah (comment on this) |
| Monday, June 19th, 2006 |
| 12:37 am |
 darkshadowcat So you want to see me. I am not sure whether I should - or wait, that's a lie. I am sure I should NOT, because I know it will lead to tears, sleepless joyless nights full of wine melancholy. And I'm just beginning to get over those shitty feelings & thoughts.The thing is the image I can't get out of my mind - the sodding bloody totally unrealistic image of you admitting you made a mistake and you still love me and blahdeblah hollywood plastic paradise fantasies. Need to understand I should listen to Mind rather than Feelings because former is a much better advisor in situations like this. I have made mistakes in the past by ignoring it, and I will not do this again.Also I need to be realistic about it. Even IF it would work again it would be brief, and besides, I think you made up your mind about it (although it might not be so hard to create the illusion of infatuation again, if only for one afternoon), and shallow enchantments only work for a very short time. Thus, this too will ultimately lead to tears - so I had better be over with it, to prevent falling away in a silly depression about someone who isn't worth it (and this isn't meant in a negative way - it's just that ultimately you are not the one. We're just not the perfect fit, I am very aware of that). Besides, even IF (utopian situation) we somehow happened to get a long-term relationship we'd be doomed beforehand. I have had enough stuff to deal with, so no more shit for me because that would land me definetely on the path of shrinks & pills (I'd love to have some now and must admit I went to the therapist just to get some - played happy-go-lucky too much however so she didn't think I am depressed; so now it's alcohol. Not that I'm an alcoholic - just one or two glasses of wine a day to get asleep. And things are indeed getting better). Not good. So I will tell you. Tomorrow. Or the day after.Just have to convince myself. (comment on this) |
| Sunday, June 18th, 2006 |
| 3:15 pm - Dear Karma... |
 cyberjulez What in the hell did I ever do to piss you off?In the past 6 months you've lead me to 7 different guys to date. One was scary. A second just wants one thing.A Third constantly sends mixed signals and is sweet as punch to me, but then tells me he just wants friendship.A fourth was just worried about himself.The rest of the bunch I've had fantastic connections with and could honestly see myself having long term relationships with. The first of this bunch, the one I honestly think is a soulmate, returned to his ex and is now ... well.. not as happy as I'd want to see him be.The second ran into his ex at a bar recently and is concidering returning to her as well.. I have a feeling he already has. The third is not over his ex and, after a wonderful date and fantastic time spent with him, after I thought I could really enjoy and see myself having a something with him, he told me that he just wasn't ready to date yet. That's something I can't argue with...Did I mention the last two happened within 12 hours of each other, and on my birthday weekend.All of them have told me how they think I'm wonderful and they don't want to hurt me. How "if things were different" or, "If we would have just met sooner" we could really go places....*sigh*How many times can I get rejected by hearing how wonderful I am? If I'm so wonderful why won't any of them choose me instead of someone who's hurt them horribly in the past? What have I done to deserve this loneliness that I have? Is it because I threw away a marrige that had gone bad, and hurt someone in the process? Is it because I'm meant to drive others into everyone else's arms but mine? Is it because I'm meant to make everyone feel happiness and good, but never have it for myself?I just need a break.. I need a little bit of luck, but every time I think I have it within my reach... it gets pulled away like a dollar bill attached to an evil child's string. I don't know how many more times I can handle having that yanked away from me like that. I just don't can't handle it anymore.If I'm meant to be alone then take my feelings away and make me numb. Make me uncaring that I'm all alone at night, and let me fall asleep without trouble for once in 6 months. (comment on this) |
| Thursday, June 8th, 2006 |
| 1:24 am |
 jciams01 Dear FCR, I don't know what to do so much right now that I cna't even have a straight conversation with you. We are dealing with what we have created in this world and what we are trying to do best for it. I know that we know what is best; however, you keep trying to bring emotions into it which I can understand but also gets frustrating. At times you know that we need to do what we need to; however... you just also won't let go and you need to. I love you with all my heart... you are the one for me for the rest of my life... just please learn to let go so they can have the best as do we.Love,CM current mood: depressed (comment on this) |
| Friday, May 26th, 2006 |
| 11:51 pm |
| darkshadowcat To, well, someoneWhere to begin? I hate beginnings. They are always uncomfortable and silent, and it is hard to find the right words to plunge into some story or other.What does not help is that most stories are exactly alike and have been told so many times you don't even need to tell them anymore; two or three words suffise. But well, that's all beside the point, especially since I am writing this mainly for myself, in an attempt to figure out whether writing truly has a therapudic function. Today I found out depression runs in the family. Sometimes I wonder whether I suffer from it; I'm not sure. I am sombre often, but I also know where those moods come from (or I think I know, anyway; I believe I know myself). Have an appointment with a therapist, though. Do not expect her to solve my problems or even solve anything, it's just that for once I'd like to talk to someone not involved in my life. Especially since my life should be bloody good fun, with nice friends and college going fine and a lot of going out. And yet there are bleak days, on which I feel listless to the bone and just hang around on internet all day in hope of...something. Attention, maybe, I dunno. Oddly enough I'm hardly an attention-freak - I like to join conversations and to laugh, but never draw any special attention to myself. This is especially strange considering the last year (coinciding weirdly with the start of my sombre feelings), I really enjoyed male company - yes, that is in the form of a boyfriend. My relationships usually were brief and quite stormy, so now I decided to be single for a while, just to get things sorted out. I did have some dates, but me & the bloke involved sort of had a mutual understanding of that being only a couple of times; dead end. I am sure I am not in love with him, and yet I wish he'd email me or something, just to get attention (pretty pathetic, yes. I hate myself for it). Am almost on the verge of talking to sodding ex-bf who is usually alone and usually depressed, just to have someone to talk to. (_a brief french intermezzo_Et c'est toi...tu me manques. Je ne sais pas pourquoi, mais je sais qu'il faudra pas parler avec toi ou penser à toi, mais ben, c'est difficile...et tu, avec ton bizarre idée d'etre amis...ça, c'est impossible. Et je sais qu'il faut te dire ça - mais je ne fais pas. J'espere, pourquoi je ne sais pas, que tes sentiments revivent...C'est une rêve folle, oui. Mais moi, je suis folle.)This has gotten quite long. I will write again, maybe. Now, however, I need to sleep. Loss of conscience saves me - it is sleep I sometimes long for, just not having to be there, being able to get lost in my own tangled thoughts and dreams. (comment on this) |
| 12:36 am |
 scornful_stormy Dear _____ ,There is no one there. No recepient of this message. No one who I can say "I wish ____ was reading this" There is simply no one. I am sitting here staring at a computer which connects me to thousands and thousands of people, but I feel totally alone. There is no one special person to occupy my thoughts. Shouldnt I be happy? Isnt this what I want? Nothing weighing on my shoulder? No commitments or responsibilities tracking me down? I chose to stand strong by myself and I am happy with my decision. So how come Im sitting here staring at this computer wondering how come there isnt someone out there to talk to right now?Sincerely, Me (comment on this) |
| Monday, May 15th, 2006 |
| 10:32 pm - To No one... and Every One |
 jciams01 Dear You,Why are you always around me when I dont' want you there, but always gone when I want you there? You are never there when needed but always there when the urge is gone? Why must we live a life like this when we know that ourselves is just to blame for your absense in the time of need...Regards,CM current mood: sad (2 comments | comment on this) |
| Thursday, March 30th, 2006 |
| 1:53 am |
| scornful_stormy Dear reigning deity, Please OH Please help me with this person! Please give me the strength not to slap the shit out of his crooked ass teeth for opening his mouth. How do I get past the fact that everything he says is so mind numbingly idiotic that the mere thought of it sends my stomache into full reverse thrust mode! Even thinking of him brings image of this dog-faced buffoon to my mind and I want to smash it in with a brick! The mentally defective jokes he makes at which only he is dim enough to laugh at make my mind scream out "Why are you doing this to me? Why dont you just sink a pic-axe into me?" and the loathesome way he tries to writhe his way into other people's conversations sends me into a state of complete exasperation. Why is he the most feeble-minded, half-witted, lamebrained jackass? How come he has the emotional balance of an adolecent girl? With the maturity of a kindergartener? IF THAT!!! Why oh dear fucking gods of all things obtuse does this person have to be someone that I have to interact with? Can he not be put down, for the sake of sanity in others? Or dropped off in a jungle somewhere or at least a city that doesnt speak english so they dont have to bear the full effect of the squaking that comes out of his mouth? Can killing a man under these circumstances be considered a favor to mankind? So fucking annoyed right now.... DAMMIT! (comment on this) |
| Tuesday, March 28th, 2006 |
| 9:14 pm - So Here I Am |
 reallygoodthing OK, I'll admit it hurts.I found your journal, you photo account. Any signs of me? No. But wait, yes.You say in an entry of yours the 90's are forgettable for you and mean nothing.I was a 4 year part of that decade with you and it meant everything to me. You were the love of my life. At least so far.Of course you've moved on, but reading that hurt, and I think, god, did those years mean anything? We were each others first very serious relationship, we'd talk of spending our lives together. If you were a little older at the time, or we had met a few year later, I believe we would be together still.The mention that our years together are so casually out of mind to you hurts, I can't deny it. It makes me wonder if you got anything out of our time together.And then I look through your journal, your photos. And I'm there. Not physically or even mentioned or acknowledged, but I'm there.I'm there in your favorite books(some of which I know I introduced you to and convinced you to read).I'm there in our common sense of weird humor which helped draw us to each other, which stills flows from your writings.I'm there in your love of TV shows. It's unbelievable we haven't talked for years and yet we're watching and loving the same shows that are on. It's unerving. It almost feels like you know things about me somehow.I'm there in your concert going. The musician you frequently see in your city, I introduced you to. Ha, you didn't even like him when we were together. Now you claim him as your own. A huge fan of his you say. You found him through me.The Uncanny love of similar music took me aback. Good god, it's like you stole my Ipod of non-mainstream music. Scissor Sisters? OK, They're around. But when I find you talking about Sondre Lerche, Jenny Lewis, The Shins, and Dogs Die in Hot Cars, it's unnerving.It reminds me again what drew is to each other. The fact that we've found artists like this on our own with no communication further reinforces to me that we had a unique connection to each other.If we re-connect again someday(I hope we will, as friends) it will be amazing to you how much we still have in common.Again, It's unerving. It almost feels like you know things about me somehow.And lastly, the picture to your partner of a note on a figurine saying you love him. That's a part of me too, y'know.I used to write little notes and do exactly that all the time for you. You thought it was goofy. But then you missed it when I stopped. But I continued to do it.Yet here with your new love, I see you are doing it for him.On further reflection, I'm all over your life still. In your loves of books, of music, and the littles things you do in your life. I helped gestate a lot of this in those 4 years that were the best in my life. And you had your impact on me too.I know you've moved on. People do. But why is it seen by you as so bad now that it's been wiped from existence? That this was the worst time in your life?Those things came from us. From our time together. They've clearly become a part of you even after I'd gone.We had a life.WE HAD A LIFE!And though it pains me to see that you have no inkling of that, It feels good to know that in between the lines of your words and pictures, I was indeed a part of your life. I'm not asking to be credited somewhere for having this impact on you. People affect each other. Even after they've gone. I guess I could understand why there's some kind of "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind" blank in your head about us. But you know what? The mind erasing didn't work. I can see/read that "meet me in Montauk" still floats around in your head somewhere.I just wish we could be friends.So many things still in common that we could take joy talking about.I'm not a fool. I can see you're settled down, for good. I'm not the type to steal someone away anyway. And you'd never let me do it.So don't see this as something like that. Please.You were the only one who truly "got" me.And you used to say that I was the only one who truly "got" you. You cried that to me many times.We could have a pretty great friendship you know.It's up to you though._So I would choose to be friends with youThat's if the choice were mine to makeBut you can make decisions tooAnd you can have this choice to makeAnd so it goesAnd so it goesAnd I'm the only one who knows_Take a chance. C'mon.current mood: gloomy (3 comments | comment on this) |
| Sunday, February 26th, 2006 |
| 7:18 pm |
| fm7 Dear Everyone,I love her so much.We've only been going out for almost 2 months, but I've known her for years.I've fallen for her completely, and I know I want to spend the rest of my life with her.This is like no other relationship I've ever had.I feel like I've found the one...my soulmate.She lives at home, and I am at school.The long-distance thing isn't bad at all.My question to you all is...How can I stay my normal cheerful self when all I want to do is go home, and be with her forever?I have a feeling that we will be together forever, but I just want to be with her all the time.Maybe I should talk to my mom about this.She always steers me right.Anywho, what do you all think?-Me (2 comments | comment on this) |