kunzite2004 (original) (raw)

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January 4th, 2005

06:56 pm: Its another new year
I havent wrote in here for ages. Bin to busy with college, and work that i have finished with! 1st week of the xmas holidays was ok i guess? got alot fi mum n dad on xmas bin seeing Leeanna alot more bin clubbing a few times to the nite spot. Funny how i am still not satisfied with my life? i felt selfish for a while as theres people alot less fortunite than myself but i guess everyone feels there life is not 100% perfect. Ages ago when i was actually friends wi lees pal Jamie i went to his 21st party thing. And i met his bro there Stuart but i forgot all about it and couldnt rememeber much.

Then i met him again at the nite Spot and he was like remember me and i was like em sorry i dinnie and i got re introduced lol it was then i began to hav a lil thing for him and i am not much of a dancer so i was just drinking and smoking and chatting but he was like dance dance dance. Then he sed he was going to go so it thot ok ill dance only cos i had a crush on him and i knew i was going to make a tit of myself it was too bad tho i thought it was going to be much worse likes. N he started to dirty dance wi me and me cant dance at all got em emmbaressed! he was so cute thn he had to go :-(

Went to davinchies wi leeanna scot and karen on new year for a drink then we went to the night spot again and i thot he wasnt there but he did turn up so i tried to act like i didnt notice him lol i had a great time dancin on the podeuim wi leeanna and dancing around which i normally dont do then i finally got his attention and he wished me a happy new yr, so i was like kl then these guys started hittin on me and loads of guys gave me kisses sayin happy new yr but i didnt cen em lolas i went to the loo i caught his eye again he sed sumthing but the music was too load and i noticed he was with thin pretty girls so i was like hmm i have nochance and quited! Then he left and i proberlly wont c him again. SHIT HAPPENS

I am not total upset am just upset about my confidence i was confiddent i would of talked to him more got a number u no. but cos i am too shy i couldnt the same wi chris a guy i liked at argos i kent him for ages and talked to him and i left the job without his number cos i didnt have the confidence to ask him for a meesley number now same wi stuart. i have no esteem because i am big and not pretty hopeffully this yr i have the guts to do somethign about it. But me being me couldnt!

This yr i think is going to be another depressing one

Current Mood: depressed

Current Music: No Doubt

December 9th, 2004

12:19 pm: About to Perform
I am so pissed off! today we are performing a christmas carol, and what happens? i catch A cold that bad that i have gone deaf i cann even hear myself speak properly so i dinnie cen wit tone or how loud my voice is! i am toiling to hear the other actors feeding me my lines! i am like omg! so i have to stare at them so i canlip read so i know when i have to come in! i just cant be bothered wi it and if thats not enough i have a sore throat and what do i have to do at the end of the performance? SING i cant hear my self sing so i dinnie cen the tone and my voice sounds funny and wonky cos i have a sore throat! NIGHTMARE

AND i have to do all this in less than a hour! thank god none of my family arent coming to see me! Then all of my so called class ;eft me to go to crofters! did i get a invite? HELL NO i canny be stuffed wi anyione at the moment and even after that nnnnnooooo i canny gohame cos i have to do voice scenes for radio even tho i am bloody DEAF! i just want to dye! and guess wit? i feel a headace coming on GREAT! then tommorrow i have shitty classes then on sat and sun am working at argos then on mon i have to go to college and i am performing TWICE on thrusday! the nightmare never ends!

Well not last night but the night before i went to the Butsed concert wi Lee and scott it was so brillient i loved every min of it! even MATT from busted ran to the side of the stage so i bolted up wi ma camera i was like half a metre away fi um and he posed and stuck his toungue out for my photo i was like OH MY FUCKING GOD! cos he egnolaged my existance i was like wwwwwwoooo so that was good but the second time round the security gaurds caught me and man handled me bk to ma seat LOL then on the way hame i fell asleep in scotts car and the dude was trying to kill nme lol

better go and practice for the performance YIKES

Hannah x

Current Mood: cranky cranky

Current Music: Busted

November 10th, 2004

12:35 pm: Arguments
I am so sick of my drama class bitching and talking behind each others bk as soon as it has turned! I mean this morning, Dana was annoying me being so wide and annoying u know and in my video class i was so tired so i didnt do much, then we had tutorial. I feel bad cos its like everytime i walk around with my so called friends i am the one always at the back they are infront having convos and i am trailing behind them all the time like i am left out.

Then we went up to Crofters and we had lunch and me and Dana started having lil digs at each other! and they all started to botch about Jay so i was like cummon guys leave it cos the bitching in this class is shockin so everyone had a go at me for trying to be nice so i stormed outt he pub cos i canny take it no more its so fucking annoying!

And i dinnie think i am goingout on the class christmas night out either cos i know thats going to end up in a disaster and i canny be fucked going to a night out when everyone is just goingout to get srunk and then cause arguments u know???

I wishi went to telford at least chrisy would of been there for me when i needed help

Hannah

Current Mood: angry angry

Current Music: none

November 4th, 2004

07:03 pm: Arguments
Yesterday. Went to video class wich was so damn boring. I really want the grade but i find it hard to stay awake and concentrate, cos he dinnie make the class exciting he talks so slow and expain things like 10 times and i end up sleeping. Then tutorial was boring and teacher sed that the 190 quid i got for books and equitment i can just spend YAHHHOOOO em then we went to the bus cos we had to go to the lyceme to see ORTHELLO!

But on the bus everyone started to argue and scream at each other i was like em am not having nout to do wi it and just started to talk to Thomas and Ray! Then i got off wi leigh cherie and claire believe it or not and we went to mac donalds and annette was there too. Then the rest of the class sat at the other side cos they were angry so i went and sat wi um aswell.

Then we went to virgin and i got A GOOD CHARLOTTE POSTER LOL then we went up to the Lyceme and Steven was ther ;-) and we had a chance to talk for a wee while yayness. Then me and claire had a star wars fight wi our posters and were using them as life savers LOL adn Thomas wouldnt stop hittin ma arse lol when we went in the lyceme we had a drink first and shit.

Then a sat beside thomas n colleen n billy and we all fell asleep cos it was so boring and i couldnt understand it so i thought sleep time lol. Then we went for a break and ate munchies then i went in and had another sleep lol Then Thomas woke me up for the ending lol AND I ONLY SAW ORTHELLO KILL HIS WIFE LOL, then me and Thomas started battering each other lol it was funny and COLLEEN sed to me hannah i wana lick u for a jock and i screamer and everyone turned round i was like its no me its thomas lol

Then i chumed Tiffany and Kim to the bus stop then i went hame watched american pie 2 and went to bed lol!
and tommorrow is another day and i hope everyone has calmed down and he have a good day! doubt it tho lol

Hannah xxxxxxx

Current Mood: aggravated

Current Music: Pink Slip

October 29th, 2004

07:43 pm: Oh god here come the Feelings!
Ave had a no bad likes. In the morning, Met Claire and Ray and had sum hot choc mmm. Then we got to class and ray was doin all these impressions of me wen i need coffee it was so funny. In class wwwe brain stormed, and Ray put my pen where the sun dinie shine so let him keep it lol then we had a mime class which was pretty funny.

After Mime me, Kim, ans Tiff went to Crofters and ordered, then Steven, Billy, Cherie, Claire, and Ray came aswell. It was so funny cos Ray wouldnt stop slaggin me and he was finally treating me like the others and me n cherie started to get on which is good. Then me and Steven got talking and i never realised how good looking he is! tiff and the others went away so it was me, Billy, Cherie, and Steven. Then me n steven walked each other to the college, and i just looked at him and i was like OH MY GOD I SO WANNA KISS U! but i couldnt cos i couldnt take it if he rejected me :-(.

We were outside the door talking and we were late for class cos we couldnt stop.and he was like maybe we can finsih this convo sometime and i was like hell yeah! So i went up and worked wi group and had a wee bit of a laugh. Then i spilled hot choc lol then when we had to go Steven then winked at me and was like cya, and i was like em em em emememem bububububbyebyebyeb LOL

Its like ave never noticed how cute he was before but now its like i canny stop thinkin about him, and i am annoyed cos i dinnie wanna have feelings cos i know it will only end in tears and it will be me who is crying after i get turned down! i dunno what to do?

Hannah xxxxxxx

Current Mood: flirty flirty

Current Music: Mad house

October 22nd, 2004

07:30 pm: Old Habits!
TODAY
Has been a living hell! i had to see to the cat. Then i had to pay for Rent, Electricity, AND gas. Then i went Hame and done yet more house work. Ironing Washing hoovering dished dusting!!! which i must admit put me in a bad mood! THEN DAVID MY UN GRATEFUL BROTHER, brought me THREE FULL BAGS OF HIS WASHING TO WASH AND IRON AND HES 18 MAN!!!! then right he went behind my back and STOLE me pizza which was for my DINNER! so yet again i had to waste MY MONEY buying another dinner cos he knicked the other one i PAID FOR!!! god!

Then my mum and dad ignores me and snaps at me for the least thing right so am like leave me alone man cummon!!!!! and i got made to work at mums! by this time i was getting a bad temper. I finished then saw ASIF was online so i was like kool! and then the lil shite was so ignorant! i was like how r u what u doing r u ok? he didnt ask how i was! then he got all damn moody wi me then a huge temper i was like dinnie take ur shite out on me thats how u loose mates and he was like fucking live wi it and it went on and we fell out cos hes a arsewhole!

By now i was so upset everything and everyone was getting to me and not to mention the ffact i dont feel good enough for anyone nomore. SO i called around friends cos i needed someone to talk to! Lee is out which isnt her fault obviously, Louise is out Stacey is at work Kirsty is out Laura is out Chez is sumwhere and i cant express my feelings to college friends. Lou n Stace hasnt seen me in a while, even tho am shite cos their busy. Then i realised i am completley alone! Noone cares bout me mum and dad dont give a shite brother dont friends dont bother to even fone me nomore. Only person who cares is Lee but she busy.

Once i realised this i broke down and cried for hours. Also am sick of people callin me fat and started to be sick again. i wished my family cared, i wish my so called friends cared i wish i was thin and pretty i wish i had a boyfriend i wish my gran is ok i wish i had better friends at college i wish i had a new life. COS IN THIS ONE I AM DYING!

Current Mood: rejected

Current Music: Evanescence

12:28 am: Senses!
Peekaboo...
Well yesterday i went to stay with Leeanna. Which was really good her pal Gemma came around! shes a nice lassie. Then we heaed off to Chicago Rock and we ordered a meal it was yummy! Then lees mate D came in OH MY GOD HE IS SO DAMN HOT!!!! i didnt realise how damn nice he was mmm! then alie and Martin came in. And i decided to hav a bash at karaoke and sung Evanescence whhich i am normaly good at but Bring me 2 life is a hard song!

Then we all started to get drunk and we all started to dance it was well funy! and i got a slow dance wi D!! i was well chuffed then me n lee started to dance lol ppl must of thot we were lesbians lol we were doing the WMCA and abba lol it was funny as anything, Then i jumped into a huge puddle wen we went out lol wen me n lee went to hers we watched SHARK TALE! it was gid lol!
Then D foned cos leeanna told him i liked um, and he sed am FINE! but he was like hes not into me tho! btu everyone is never into me so whats new

maybe i am just not good enough for any one wit so ever???

Hannah x

Current Mood: crushed crushed

Current Music: Evanescence

October 18th, 2004

10:40 pm: Life and Death
I have bin thinking alot about death recently!
My Gran took what i thought was a heart attack infront of me the other night and i had to call a ambulance and i was so terrified she would die as ave lived wi her all ma life and she like my mum! then i called aunty Tracey and ma maw. All i could do after that was take Panic attacks as i didnt know what to do Next! It was horrible to see the parametics come in and put things all over her! Then i got tooken to my actual mums house,

For the past couple of days i have been trying to clean the house, look after the cat clean ma maws house going to the hospital and doing my college work rolled into one and i am so tired! And its going to be all hands on deck when my gran comes hame cos i will have to look after her, go to college clean the house make the meals and also go to work!! Its going to be a tough one! and ma college its like FULL TIME! GEEZ oh well.

Went to hospital today bought Gran a huge balloon saying get well soon! and got the shopping list sorted out cos i have to get all the grocerys tommorrow! its like am glad to be helping but am 17 and piled wi college work and ma job so its beginning to tire me out and Pegaseus is so dman annoying (ma cat)!

Lee and Tazmin were ment to be coming over the night but they couldnt make it so chez is crashing wi me which is nice! prob just watch some dvds or something! just now am just answering emails and listening to ma new cds i bought!

AM also so skint its bad enough being a college student but am so skint cos ave bein paying out on so many bus fairs and food and presents! i have 10 pound left! thats it thats all am worth at the moment! hope things dont get any worse! and i need gran to get better!

Hanny xxx

Current Mood: exhausted

Current Music: Good Charlotte

October 13th, 2004

11:58 am: No bad No bad!/October holidays
I have had a no bad day likes! me n Dana met up early to do a assesment then Kim came, then Tiffany. Then we went to video class which was pretty boring. But me and Kim are creating our video together and she only lives 5 minutes away from me so thats ok! were going to meet up soon! then we went to Crofters pub! there was me, Dana, Kim, Thomas, Annette, Ray and Lisa mes got coke and chips wi cheese n bacon YUMMY! then we headed to the Royal Lyceame to go to a workshop which was excellent cos we got to meet the actual 2 lead actors from the mad man sings to the moon! and got advice in our careers. Then we played a few funnny games.

Then we went to the Bank and Thomas was there too, and he had to go away so he sedd bye to Colleen and Kim but i wasnt paying attention so it was like BYE HANNAH and Thomas came up to me and SMACKED ME RIGHT ON THE LIPS!!! I WAS LIKE OMG LOL AND GOT A BEAMER. cos am just not used to guys just randomly coming up to me and kissing me on da lips LOL so me, Dana, Kim, Tiffany and Colleen went to the house of chung or wit eva its called for an all that u can eat buffet!!! pure quality. HA HA and we got to order Alcohol so i got a pint of miller! but the meal was great and we had such a laugh. OMG colleen is such a open person and she was like i need a fart and farted out a belter in the resturant and everyone heard and i was laughing so much that i farted a BELTER aswell n everyone heard it was so funny!

Then colleen done it again and made me laugh n i ended up doing it again lol then i was burping alot LOL it was great fun lol! then wen we all went out Dana was away Collen went away we chummed Tiffany to the bus stop then me n Kim went in a few shops cos i wanted to buy cd's then i went hame! It was quite a good day it was well funny

Love Hannah xxxxxx

Current Mood: amused amused

Current Music: Letters to Cleo

October 11th, 2004

05:47 am: Feelings
Things are well annoying at the moment i have so much of work to do in so little time, but i have more than a week off for the october holidays so i guess that is ok but today i had a assesment in communication and i only got one answer wrong which wasnt too bad! But tommorrow i have another assesment for Dance which i am not too brillient wi cos i canny dance for scotland likes! i have Drama skills next just been to lunch and right now i am bored! Even more annoying I like Chrisy Scot Telford again!! i thought i have gotten over that but apparently i havent, i saw him on friday night and my feelings just flooded bk n shite but its annoying cos hes ma mate and he has a girl friend even tho sheis a total cow but hey as long as he is happy right? Neways am going to go to class.

Hannah

Current Mood: stressed

Current Music: Techno