cauliflower drove - ELY ON-LINE - "CAULIFLOWER DROVE" OPERA!!! (original) (raw)

by Reg Dixon
click here for cast list

Episode 5 - "Split Feather Farm" (May 18th 1998 10:00am)

Clunch and Hummer were sitting on a straw bale having a smoke and waiting for the Police to arrive. They had phoned 999 from the Hutchinson's farmhouse. Reg Dixon's body lay in the same position as they had discovered it, an hour earlier. The pitchfork was sticking straight up towards the clear blue sky. It was now a gorgeous sunny spring morning. The wind that had caused the Fen to blow earlier had receded to nothing more than a light breeze. " A bloody rum do, I reckon" said Clunch. "What do you think Hummer ?". Hummer stared down at Dixon's body. His eyes were glassy and he was near to tears. Dixon had always been good to him. Where others had baited him for his slow wits, Dixon had stood up for him and helped him with his reading and dealings with officialdom. However, he wasn't able to express those thoughts as he hadn't the vocabulary. He turned to Clunch and cried "Thas my buggering jacket ees got on. Lent it to 'im yisty. Bugger said eed lend it back today. Now's got bloody 'ole in it. Thas a bloody pitchfork !" Clunch grinned. He knew what Hummer thought of Dixon really. "Never mind Hum. We'll get the sod what done this. You can bet your life on that. Thas a fact. Safe as a church tied to a hedge". Just then the two men heard the sound of gravel being skidded on at a higher speed than was necessary for a Fenland Drove. Clunch looked over his shoulder and remarked gravely, "That'll be the Constabulary".

Yaxley Farcett stood at the side of his car and took in the scene. To his left, fields, to his right, more fields. Being early spring, there was mainly just deep black soil looking back at him. In front of him, about a hundred yards away was a Railway line. The Cambridge to Kings Lynn line. A beautiful old signal box was next to the crossing. It was painted in yellows, reds and greens and had several window boxes with a multitude of colour making a stark contrast to the singular colour of the fields. Yaxley had heard about the 'otherness' of Fen people since he had told his friends about his transfer to the area. He wasn't sure if he would fit in here. "Hey Ho..Let's go" he said to himself and set off down the driveway of "Split Feather Farm", owned he had been informed by a Mrs.Worthington. Before he had reached the front door, he was approached by an old lady of about eighty who shuffled up to him. "You'll be the law then ? Where's your uniform ? Who would 'ave killed young Dixon ? He never hurt a bloomin' fly". Yaxley took out his wallet and showed the woman his ID. She stared at it. "Drainage Inspector ! Thas' no bloomin' good. We want a proper policeman to sort out this mess. There's nothing wrong with our drainage". Yaxley composed himself. This was the embarrassing part. Although a drainage Inspector he had the same powers as the regular force. In the early part of the century it was decided by the East Anglian Constabulary that if London could have it's own river police and the Railway could have it's own Transport Police then The Fens could have it's own Drainage Board Police. They were only called in if the crime happened within twenty two yards either side of a Fenland waterway or drainage system. Yaxley had been in the regular force in Bradford and was assigned to his new post when the previous officer had retired. Jack Miller had worked the Fens area for forty years and had averaged about thirty cases a year. Yaxley had been reluctant to take the new post but he was told in no uncertain terms that it was either Cambridgeshire or The Job Centre. So, he had packed his bag and pointed his Escort in the direction of Cambridge at the end of that week. Mrs.Worthington eyed him suspiciously. "Weeell. Orlroight then. But you don't look much like a Policeman". He didn't. "In fact" she added "You look a bit of a prat !" Yaxley had always thought of himself as a cross between Serpico and Sherlock Holmes. He wore a Baseball cap which his long blond hair trailed out of, a Bradford City Football Club T-shirt, crumpled brown leather Jacket, blue jeans and his comfy suede boots (complete with hole between the toes). "Follow me" the woman said and they set off across to the other side of the ten acre field.

The prologue -Episode One -Episode 2 -Episode 3 -Episode 4 -Episode 6 -Cast List - 'Did you see the wrist watch in Ben Hur' ?- The Colly Continuity Page.

Comments to drove@ely.org.uk

Who Dunnit? Your suggestions Please.

James Brown says "I suspect a fallen pitchfork from one of the overhead helicopters ferrying a local farmer to the office of KLFM for one of their match reports on a Lynn home game."

World Leader reckons "I think that Monica woman did it. Damn girl never could keep her mouth shut. And she was always letting things drop". Yours World Leader