Tawdry Tales of Titillation (original) (raw)
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Below are the 14 most recent journal entries recorded inNorman Ormous Wandwielder's LiveJournal:
| Friday, July 24th, 2009 | |
|---|---|
| _2:38 pm_[connielane] |
JKR and HP Filmmakers Not-So-Secret Fans of Wandwielder? In my multiple viewings of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince over the past several days, one detail has stood out above the rest. To wit, the wicked sexiness of one Cormac McClaggen (memorably portrayed by Freddie Stroma). A visual reminder, if you'll indulge me a moment. naughty (2 Comments |Comment on this) |
| Friday, December 9th, 2005 | |
| _3:12 am_[connielane] |
Well, it's You-Know-Who's Birthday No, not that one, this one. And I thought it appropriate to post an excerpt from one of my favorite Wandwielder novels. Simmerous Snate and the Voluptuous Vanishing Iguana was Wandwielder's least successful novel. Many thought it too dark, somewhat lacking in actual smut, and starring a lead character who was frankly quite unsavory (certainly not the typical dashing Wandwielder romantic hero). But many find it to be one of his most artful endeavors, with better characterization, and a more believable tension between the couple.*****“I know it was you,” Simmerous spat. “You’ve been spying on me, Miss Gimolas.”Aguna took several steps forward, until she was inches from his sallow face. “Prove it,” she said in a whisper that sent chills down Snate’s spine.“Blue iguanas are extremely rare, Miss Gimolas,” he replied, composing himself as she returned to a safe distance. “It is frankly an insult that you thought I wouldn’t be suspicious at seeing such a creature not only in my office but in the entire United Kingdom.”“I thought no such thing. I knew you would start to ask questions. In fact, I counted on it.”“Counted on it?” Snate said in an uncharacteristic tone that suggested he had been - could he have been? - caught off his guard.“Certainly,” she said calmly. “Please continue.”“Continue what?” He was growing more and more unsettled. He wasn’t used to the feeling and he didn’t like it at all.“Proving my guilt, of course.” She gave an enigmatic smile.“What?! Miss Gimolas, I know you’re an illegal Animagus. You know you’re an illegal Animagus. All that remains is for you to explain yourself. Unless you’d like to be handed over to the Ministry of Magic.” “Are you threatening me?” Her face was flushed with exhiliration.Suddenly, wonderfully, he understood the game she was playing. Determined not to give her the upper hand, however, he gave her a cold sneer. “What do you think I’m doing?” he said in a voice that oozed with sinister silkiness.She almost swooned, but drew up her strength to keep her cool. “I think you want me to think you’re threatening me. I think you’re drawn to me, and you want to test me to see if it’s worth letting down your guard.”“You’re a fool, Miss Gimolas,” he said, taking a step toward her.“Not as big a fool as you, Simmerous.” Aguna took a step toward him.“You may call me Professor Snate.” He took another step toward her.“As you wish, Simmerous.” Another step.They stood still for a moment, daring one another to make the next move. Calm as a cucumber, Aguna gave a little smile. “Well, if that’s all, Professor, I’m going to bed.” She strode calmly past him, but he grabbed her arm with his bony hand. She felt his hot breath in her ear.“Oh, no you don’t,” he whispered.She pretended to try and wrench herself free, but his grip grew tighter. He forced her to face him, and when she did, her eyes were lit with an unquenchable fire. There was no going back now. He picked her up with both arms and carried her into his bedchamber. He slammed the door shut with his foot and spent the remainder of the evening showing Aguna Gimolas exactly how much he loathed, despised, and adored her. (1 Comment |Comment on this) |
| Sunday, September 25th, 2005 | |
| _1:39 pm_[connielane] |
A walk down Memory Lane Since Wandwielder is still at work on his 90th masterpiece, I thought I'd honor  lilac_bearry's birthday by posting an excerpt from his very first Wandwielder novel, The Breeze of Yesteryear (1985). I've uploaded a picture of the cover below.( Click for Wandwielder brillyunceCollapse )I love vintage Wandwielder! Current Mood: smutty & felicitatory (2 Comments |Comment on this) |
| Monday, August 22nd, 2005 | |
| _8:09 am_[angua9] |
The Great Man Speaks! Hi, fellow N. Ormous fans. I just wanted to alert you to a snippet from the 91st Wandwielder book, which was posted over here. It's called Lonnie Cain and the Naughty Novelist's Quivering Quill and it's really, really good (like everything he writes!).It has pictures. :)ETA: I dunno, though. Is it just me, or is this "Lonnie Cain" character a total Mary Sue? (2 Comments |Comment on this) |
| Thursday, August 11th, 2005 | |
| _6:58 am_[gild_hart] |
To one of my great inspirations! Happy birthday, Ginny Weasley! In honor of your special day, I'd like to announce that I am working on my 90th Wandwielder novel, calledWinny Geasley and the Savage Beast of Metaphorius EroticusThis novel is, of course, a sequel to my best-seller Winny Geasley and the Green-Eyed Wizard Owner of the Great Wand. The new novel is not yet finished, ergo a release date has not yet been set. But in honor of Miss Geas-- errr, Weasley's birthday, I shall give you a brief summary of the book to whet you're appetite.-----------------------------Winny Geasley went on vacation to escape what she called the "dull London scene", taking as her travel companion and protector her bespectacled lover Perry Hotter. After many particularly pleasurable hours, they found themselves stranded at the Castle of Metaphorius Eroticus. Despite the dire situation, they enjoyed penetrating the castle and plumbing its depths, taking great delight in the tall columns and secret chambers.But little did they know that the castle held another inhabitant - a growling, clawing, roaring and sometimes conga-dancing beast, which threatened to devour the vacationing couple. Can Perry and Winny survive until they can find a way out? Or will they be consumed by the savage creature of Metaphorius Eroticus? (7 Comments |Comment on this) |
| Wednesday, June 1st, 2005 | |
| _7:04 am_[connielane] |
Good news, Wandwielder fans! Wandwielder's next novel, Minella McFonagall and the Hunky Headmaster, will be released on July 16, 2005! Apparently, there's some other book by a muggle woman coming out the same day, but Wandwielder is confident that sales of his book will be at a record high on release day.He was gracious enough to provide us with a snippet from the novel - his 89th work to date. His publisher was reluctant to release any information at all, but you know how much Norman loves fawning reviews.From the chapter entitled ( Is That a Knitting Needle In Your Pocket?Collapse )Mr. Wandwielder is a bit busy at the moment with preparations for the big release day, but he wanted me to deliver this message to h311ybean:Happy Birthday! Current Mood: naughty (9 Comments |Comment on this) |
| Friday, November 5th, 2004 | |
| _4:08 pm_[connielane] |
I received the following communication in my mailbox this afternoon:_Dear fan,Travel on the continent has inspired me! I am currentlywriting my next masterpiece, "Minella McFonagall and theHunky Headmaster"! So sorry about the postcard - I'm allout of photos of myself. Maybe next time!Until then, kisses! giddy (10 Comments |Comment on this) |
| Monday, October 11th, 2004 | |
| _5:51 pm_[gild_hart] |
Scenes From the Outtake Box I confess I am flattered to find this shrine to my published works. My latest novel, Germiani Hanger and the Keeper for the Studly Stallions, is enjoying its fourth consecutive week atop the Daily Prophet best-seller list since its September release. And I am currently at work on my 89th Wandwielder |
| Thursday, May 27th, 2004 | |
| _10:20 pm_[connielane] |
Exclusive Sneak Peek! Yes, our favorite smut author has been hard at work on his 88th novel, Germiani Hanger and the Keeper for the Studly Stallions - due for release this September. When approached by WH1, N. Ormous Wandwielder agreed to release a teaser for the highly anticipated tome.Somehow, this passage seems rather timely, given what most of us will be doing next weekend. (Minds out of the gutter, you guys.)( From Chapter 12 - Something Wicked This Way ComesCollapse ) Current Mood:  horny (9 Comments |Comment on this) |
| Thursday, April 1st, 2004 | |
| _2:04 pm_[gaidin_prime] |
One of N. Ormous earlier influences... *...Norman emigrated to England and lived off the kindness of strangers for quite some time.* - Behind the Smut by connielaneUnbeknownst to all, during this period Gilderoy... er, N. Ormous tried his hand at screenwriting (inspired by a former lover) for a children's television show. The attempt yielded this result, which was produced but never aired. The executive producers of the show promptly fired Norman, but Norman realized where his future laid...Happy April Fools, Y'ALL!!!!! :D_It's a Windows Media Video, please watch it with a very flicted sense of humor to enjoy. Cross-posted on my lj._Current Mood: silly (3 Comments |Comment on this) |
| Monday, February 16th, 2004 | |
| _9:37 am_[connielane] |
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the one and only N. Ormous Wandwielder I found this article and thought you all might be interested.( Cut for obscene, errr, lengthCollapse )Several people contributed pieces to the Wandwielder puzzle by disclosing bits of information about him and his fans on SQ, and I would be remiss in failing to recognize them: h311ybean (of course), snitch1488, themorningstarr, Aquilla, elwing_alcyone, briannadarknite, Ric, LyssaQuill, Shi-chan, Tara, harryswheezy, rachnmi, Kitcat26, Werrf, and liana-fides.Thank you for your time and attention. Current Mood: accomplished (9 Comments |Comment on this) |
| Tuesday, February 10th, 2004 | |
| _3:36 pm_[gaidin_prime] |
Another trip down memory lane... While we sit on pins and needles for that all important tell all article from our most esteemed Mod from on high, here's another one from The Man...An excerpt from *Winny Geasley and the Green-Eyed Wizard Owner of the Great Wand*_...Perry Hotter step up to embrace Winny from behind. She relished in his embrace, stroking the arms wrapped tightly around her. Her fingers ghosting over the toned muscles of his forearms, honed from years of mastering his broomstick. So caught up in her musing, she barely noticed the sharp prodding in the small of her back.‘Why Perry, is that a wand in your pocket? Or are you just happy to see me?’‘Oh, sorry. It's my wand...’_This of course is from Chapter 13 - Happiness and Wands Don't Mix. Current Mood: excited (2 Comments |Comment on this) |
| Monday, February 9th, 2004 | |
| _1:54 pm_[harryswheezy] |
While we wait... on the tell-all article about our hero, let's take a walk down memory lane and revisit one of the first N. Ormous excerpts posted on an LJ.From Winny Geasley and the Green-eyed Wizard Owner of the Great Wand:CHAPTER 12 - OF WANDS AND WATER"Well, well, if it isn’t Miss Geasley," Perry said as he smirked at the beautiful red head.( Read more...Collapse ) Current Mood: silly (2 Comments |Comment on this) |
| Friday, February 6th, 2004 | |
| _7:54 am_[connielane] |
Welcome! N. Ormous Wandwielder, the author of 87 smutty wizard romances to date, now has his very own Live Journal community. A tell-all article about this man and his influence over the wizarding world at large is currently in the works and will be posted here shortly.This will ideally be a place to post your favorite excerpts from the works of this great author. Fanfictions are, sadly, not allowed. There is, incidentally, another site devoted to Wandwielder fanfic, run by the industrious |
