| How to List a Deceased Member of Your FamilyWhen Asked to List All the Members of Your Family? I need your help. My son Ben recently passed at 24 years-of-age after a brief, but valiant, struggle with cancer. Today I have to fill out an application for a directorship position for which I have been nominated. The second question on the form is - Family. So, how do I list Ben? Many people who will read this will know me but will not know about Sam but I just cannot leave him out.....what do I do? I've asked my husband and daughter, Stephen and Sarah, but they don't know what to do either. -- Grateful if you would think about this Dear GIYWTAT: I can only imagine how difficult it is for you to deal with this. How you fill in the form may influence the actions of others who read it -- and will be what you decide is pertinent information for this group. Listing Stephen, Ben, and Kate will have someone eventually come up to you and ask about each of them. However they may not know what they are asking. There have been times I've asked a question & I wished I had known enough not to ask the question ... or at least knew what I was asking. Listing only Stephen and Sarah -- puts the focus on now. It makes sense in the same way an expectant mother wouldn't list her to-be-born baby -- she lists just today's information. The editorial style guides suggest if you include Ben it would be appropriate to put (deceased) after his name. But that brings me back to your decision of what is relevant to this particular group, what is pertinent to the situation, what you want them to know, and what they need to know. -- Robert HickeyHow to List a Deceased Person on a Program ? We have a committee celebrating our 100th birthday. Unfortunately, one of our committee members passed away this year but we would still like to list him in the program. He was a judge. How do we properly list his name? The Honorable John Smith, deceased (seems harsh) The Late Honorable John Smith (seems like he's tardy) The Honorable John Smith * * deceased -- E. H. L. Dear EHL: I like the third one .. The Honorable John Smith* * Deceased This form draws less attention to itself, especially if the asterisk and foot note are SMALL Also consider one you didn't mention: The Honorable John Smith (1935-2011) You see both on official programs. The latter gives more information. With programs, that tend to become keepsakes, considering how the document may serve historic purposes is often a goal. -- Robert Hickey Is Mr. Used With The Name of a Deceased Man? My mother taught me that when a man is deceased, one should not refer to him as “Mr.” I never asked her about whether a deceased woman should not be referred to as “Mrs.,” but my question refers to that as well. Do you know of such a rule? -- Sue HoltonDear Ms. Holton: I have not heard of this as a rule, and I had not thought about it .... but it is true. "Mr." "Miss" "Mrs." "Ms." are honorifics and are used by others in direct address to a person. The honorifics are attached to the name as a courtesy to the person ... and to define them in some way ... as a man, woman .... or with women to define their marital status. They are used in conversation, on an envelope, on letter's address block or salutation, or on a place card. But, if a person is deceased, you aren't addressing them in any of those circumstances. The same is true with courtesy titles .... The Honorable or His/Her Excellency ... are not used with deceased elected officials names or with deceased diplomats. Thanks for this question! -- Robert Hickey How to Write the Name of a Deceased PersonOn a Certificate of Recognition? Our parish is celebrating its 50th Anniversary. We are giving Certificates of Recognition to honor our Founding Parishioners. My question is how to list a couple when one person is deceased? The committee recommends putting the living person’s name first, following by the deceased spouse. Example: If the husband is deceased: Mary & Joseph Smith If the wife is deceased: Joseph & Mary Smith After reading your online information under “Deceased,” I don’t think this is correct. Should it be: Mary & the late Joseph Smith (if the husband is deceased) and The late Mary & Joseph Smith (if the husband is deceased) O r can it be: Mary & Joseph (cross) Smith (if the husband is deceased); and Mary (cross) & Joseph Smith (if the wife is deceased). It is common in our Church to designate someone is deceased by placing a small cross after their name. -- Powell Dean Dear Mr. Dean: IN WRITING: To me if you are honoring the founding parishioners -- just list their names without noting whether the are alive or dead at this moment -- since they were alive when they were contributing to the parish. Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Smith Thomas James Smith and Mary Wilson Smith Thomas and Mary Smith Mary and Thomas Smith Any of the above would work. Style manuals vary on whether #3 or #4 is the preferred form if both given names are presented. If you have an established style of putting a cross by the names of deceased ... then ...Mary and Thomas (cross) Smith .... is clear. But I don't see how it's pertinent in this context. Is it that you want historians to be able to look back and know who was alive at the 50th Anniversary Celebration?ORALLY: If you are having an ceremony where the founders will be recognized by name the podium, it makes sense to recognize only those founders who are present. So if Mary Smith is present ... recognize her .... and orally note that her late husband, Thomas Smith, was also a founding member. -- Robert Hickey |
| How to Refer to a Deceased Employer? How do I refer to my deceased employer, a U.S. Senator, on my resume? -- Beth AcornDear Ms. Acorn, I am not sure why it's necessary to mention that your former employer is deceased on your resume. Seems odd, but, spans of the years of life are included sometimes: The Honorable John Tower, Senator of Texas (1925-1991) ... Or in text when someone has just recently died: The late John Tower, Senator of Texas... Or span of life is included when the reader might not know when an individual lived: Ordo Virtutum, written by Hildegard of Bingen (1098-1179), is an early example of ... But I think you should leave out that he is deceased: On your resume it only matters that you are still alive! -- Robert HickeyWhen to Refer to a Deceased Person as "The Late"? Mr. Hickey: In writing the history of our non-profit organization should we refer to the founders, now deceased, as the late John Smith? _--- Darla Snyder_Ms. Snyder: Usually "the late" precedes a name of someone who just died ... to clarify he or she would have participated, but died and someone else participated in their place. "John Smith, the bride's uncle, gave her away at the wedding in place of her father the late Thomas Smith." In a "history" I suggest you use a timeless style that will be accurate today and in 100 years when all of the organization's founders will be the late. So, just refer to everyone as (first + surname). If you want to include more about their lifespans you could list founders and board members elsewhere in the document with the appropriate years -- (1948-1999) -or- (1955 - ) -- after their name. -- Robert HickeyHow Do I List a Deceased Hostess on an Invitation? Dear Mr. Hickey: I have a quick question that I am hoping you might be able to answer. A baby shower was to be hosted by two individuals. Regretfully, one of the individuals passed away about a week ago. The family asks that the deceased still be listed on the invitation. How would you incorporate her name .... Posthumously Caroline Giles or The Late Caroline Giles Please advise? --- Helen CarleyDear Ms. Carley: I don't think I've ever heard of a deceased person issuing an invitation! Sometimes events are dedicated to a deceased person: In memory of Caroline Giles Helen Carley requests the pleasure of you company at a baby shower for Hilda Smithetc.But that's still very odd since the event is already in honor of the expectant mother. Sometimes deceased persons are sometimes listed with (years of their life) after their names, like:Helen Carley and Caroline Giles (1937-2010) request the pleasure of your company at a baby shower for Hilda Smith _etc._But what I think you should do is to extend the invitation alone. THEN open the event with a welcome toast that would be a loving remembrance ... such as ... I cannot welcome you today without saying that as we gather to celebrate of the joyous start of a new life -- we also celebrate a another life well lived -- that of Caroline Giles. Caroline an I were to jointly host this event and nothing would have brought her more joy than to see this wonderful gathering of friends and family ..... etc. -- Robert HickeyHow to Refer to a Deceased Military Officer? Sir, what is the correct written form of address for a retired US Army Colonel who is now deceased? The family hosts a golf tournament in his honor for the benefit of the Wounded Warrior Project and Operation Homefront. I have been tasked with developing an accompanying website and graphic materials. I would like to use the proper designation for him. I have received several varying suggestions from various persons involved, all of whom are military or retired military who insist their version is correct though all versions are different to some degree. Thank you kindly for your assistance. -- James CostelloDear Mr. Costello, I can understand why you are getting mixed opinions ... there are rules about addressing the living ... but when writing the name of the deceased you are referring to them in the third person ... not addressing them directly ... so those rules don't technically apply. But that said .... Department of Defense (DOD) manuals suggest to address a retired officer there are three acceptable formal forms for official correspondence: Colonel Jamie Abbott, USA, Retired COL Jamie Abbott, USA, Retired Colonel Jamie Abbott, USA Ret. COL Jamie Abbott, USA Ret. 1) comma after USA when "Retired" is spelled out 2) no comma after USA when when abbreviated "Ret. 3) "COL" is the service-specific abbreviation for an Army colonel used within the services .... Air Force and Marine Colonels having slightly different abbreviations ..... but these are generally not used by civilians, although they are free to do so. However since this is a golf tournament and not an official military function ... I suggest you use the social form suggested by the DOD which excludes both the branch of service and the active/retired status Colonel Jamie Abbott If there is a bio in the program somewhere, you could state he served in the the United States Army from XXXX to XXXX .... etc. I know they have a copy of my book at the Wounded Warrior Project in Florida ... because Margie Kelly, a graduate of The Protocol School of Washington® and etiquette consultant based in Georgia and Maine volunteers there and gave them one. -- Robert Hickey How to Write a Name on a Posthumous Certificate? How would I address a Certificate of Appreciation given to someone who has died? Do I address it as "The Late John Smith" or do I address it as "In memory of John Smith"? Please help. Thanks. -- Sue in Essex CountyDear Sue: If you are presenting it to his family... they likely have other framed diplomas and certificates with his name on them. I would not refer the fact that he is dead … just put his name on the certificate. Write something like....In Appreciation of John Smith For Exemplary Service to the Citizens of Essex County The Twenty Third Day of June, Two Thousand Ten Robert Thompson, Mayor If the certificate is dated ... historians will figure out that it was presented posthumously. -- Robert Hickey How to List a Widow, Her Deceased Husband & Her Children as Donors? A "Special Tribute Book", is being put together to commemorate our Rabbi's 25th Anniversary. I have been requested to submit, in writing, how I would like my contribution to be listed under "Name/Family Names". I would like to include my deceased husband's name, as well as my first name, and include the names of our children. Would you assist me with proper wording? For example,Mrs. Robert G. Green, (Pearl), and adult children Michael, Russell, Edward, and Rebecca. My husband died just over one year ago. We were married fifty six years ago, in this temple. Please send a speedy reply, if possible. -- PearlDear Pearl: I'm not crazy about "her adult children" ... and I think you should include your name and your husband's name. I've seen Mrs. Robert G. Green (Pearl) used here and there, but I think it's awkward. How about: Pearl B. Green with her children Michael, Russell, Edward, and Rebecca in memory of Robert G. Green. In identifying them as "her chlidren" and everyone will know, or be able to figure out, you are also Mrs. Robert G. Green. What do you think? -- Robert Hickey I'm going to go with your suggestion: Pearl B. Green with her children Michael, Russell, Edward, and Rebecca in memory of Robert G. Green. I read the exact wording to our son, Michael, and asked him if it sounded right to him, or needed to be rephrased? His said, "Mom, I think it is great!" That's all I needed to hear. He's been a blessing to me, from the moment his Dad brought him into my life, fifty-seven years ago! Thank you, again. I wish you well. You have been most helpful. -- Pearl |
Back to Main Page of the Robert Hickey's BLOG Robert Hickey is the author of Honor & Respect: The Official Guide to Names, Titles, and Forms of Address_Published by The Protocol School of Washington®Foreword by Pamela Eyring_Copyright © 2011 Robert Hickey. All Rights Reserved.Book Photo: Marc Goodman.